Mercy
by Nurse Betty Page
Summary: AU. Ashildr is in a terrible accident resulting in the loss of the chip that gave her immortality - and all her memories too. The Doctor struggles to forgive her for Clara's death, becoming Ashildr's carer whilst accepting his brief encounter with her has also made him a father. But when strange things start to happen that he can't explain, he begins to doubt his own sanity...
1. Chapter 1

**Mercy**

 **Author Note: This story is AU. **

**Takes a different turn after Face the Raven because right now I don't know how this current season will end – so I'm taking it AU down an alternative route after Clara's death that sees the Doctor leave in his Tardis and meet up months later with Ashildr.**

 **With the direction this plot goes in, it always would have gone _very_ AU anyway, but just thought I'd add a few lines to explain at what point I take the plot off in a (very) alternative direction.**

* * *

 **Summary:**

 **AU. After Clara's death, the Doctor leaves Ashildr with a stern warning never to cross his path again, only holding back his rage because of Clara's request that there be no revenge.**

 **But a few short weeks later the Doctor returns to the place that leads to the hidden trap street, as he tries to lay memories of the past to rest – and finds a tearful Ashildr, who tells him the street is no more due to a riot and her loss of control over those who dwell there – she tells him she has lost everything, including the control of the Quantum Shade, which was taken from her when the residents of the street rebelled against her strict ruling - and the Doctor can't help but feel satisfaction to know all her power has now slipped through her fingers.**

 **The Doctor has a heated confrontation with her, and when Ashildr follows him back to the Tardis as she begs him to listen and to understand that she had not meant for Clara to die, events take an unexpected turn as Ashildr reveals her complicated feelings towards the man who gave her the curse of immortality - and feeling angry but emotional, the Doctor crosses a line when Ashildr attempts to embrace him - leading to a rough encounter that has nothing to do with love and everything to do with anger, no matter how Ashildr tries to persuade him to see it differently...**

 **The Doctor then tells her to leave, and travels far from the place where Clara met her death. But just as he is coming to terms with the past and starting to look forward once more, a call comes through from UNIT- that call is from Kate Stewart, who he considers a good friend as well as a sometimes lover.**

 **But when he arrives back on Earth to meet with her, Kate does not seem at all warm and welcoming – and when he finds out why, the Doctor is shocked:**

 **Kate informs him that a young woman was involved in an accident, and a chip was found inside her body that appears to be of alien origin. When the Doctor sees an image of the chip, he realises it belongs to Ashildr – and assumes she is dead. _Then Kate explains the young woman is still alive, but seriously injured. And then she adds that she was heavily pregnant, and the child has since been delivered and found to have two hearts - and the child's DNA confirms the father can only be the Doctor..._**

 **The Doctor is shocked by this news, and after explaining everything to Kate, says he wants nothing to do with Ashildr. But Kate persuades him to see the baby, and once the Doctor holds his child in his arms, he knows he can not deny the love he feels for his own daughter. But there is still the matter of Ashildr, who is now mortal and has no memory of any of the long years she has lived, and certainly no memory of her part in Clara's death...**

 **Purely out of love for his child, the Doctor agrees to take responsibility for Ashildr, but his decision will lead to walking a fine line between hate and forgiveness as he struggles with the now vulnerable and damaged young woman, making for a volatile relationship that he struggles with for the love of his child, as he wonders just how much capacity he truly has to find forgiveness in his twin hearts.**

 **But when he starts to see strange visions that make no sense, he starts to fear the strain of coping with this new situation may cause him to doubt his own sanity...**

* * *

 **Rated M/ Warnings : AU. Don't like, don't read. Adult themes and situations, sexual scenes, (some het some slash) also some harsh bad language from the outset, and a lot of anger. Emotional story line.**

 **Pairings – 12/ Ashildr some 12/Kate. Also some OC Future Doctor X OC alien Slash and depictions of a three way bisexual relationship.  
**

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 **Disclaimer: I own nothing and write for love of the fandom.**

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Chapter 1

The Doctor felt numb. He was sure it was everything to do with rage and nothing to do with grief, because grief was what he had felt when Clara had died, and he didn't doubt that would linger for a very long time - but anger, that was _so_ much stronger.

His hand had been clenched into a fist but kept at his side as he had looked into the eyes of the deceptively young looking immortal who wore the Quantum Shade, and then he whispered his words:

" _If I ever see you again, I will kill you. Never cross my path again. Clara is dead and I am fully aware of your part in this. I don't want to hear how sorry you are, I just want you to listen. Keep away from me or I will end you, understand? I will destroy you. Clara's dead now. I'm entitled to anger...I hate you, Ashildr. And when a Time Lord hates, you should worry!"_

And then he had felt the world around him melt away, and as it reappeared, he felt the teleport device fall from his arm.

 _He was home._

 _Back to the Tardis._

 _At least the bitch had spared him from capture, even if she had been unable to control the shade and save Clara at the last minute..._

The Doctor didn't wait.

He left that place with anger burning in his hearts, and vowed never to return...

* * *

 _That vow hadn't lasted long._

His head was full of memories of the woman he had been so close to, the one who had been his friend, looked out for him and more or less held him together. He had often looked at Clara and thought there could have been more. Now he regretted not taking that chance.

And it was thoughts and regrets and his two aching hearts that took him back to those familiar streets, where he felt compelled to return to, as if hoping to catch sight of Clara's ghost...

The streets looked the same, the shops were still there, the people were still busy as they went about their daily lives. But of course there was no Clara, and when he came to the entrance to the trap street, he found nothing at all.

 _Nothing._

 _It was gone..._

The Doctor looked about the street, then back to the place where the hidden world had been concealed:

 _Nothing?_

 _It had been closed down, or moved on?_

He thought of Ashildr and her role as Mayor and her use of the Quantum Shade. Of course, that situation must have blown up in her face in the end, her strict ruling, her death sentences, people afraid for their lives.

 _At least it had happened sooner rather than later..._

He felt cold inside as he thought of how he had made the mistake of giving her immortality on the day he had put that alien chip inside her.

She didn't deserve eternity, not for how she had allowed it to make her so cold and twisted her values and reasoning.

 _How had that sweet girl become so ruthless?_

He guessed he only had time to blame for it, and the fact that humans were not supposed to be immortal in the first place. For that, he could only blame himself...

" _Doctor?"_

On hearing her voice, he felt sure every muscle in his body had gone tight as his anger rose behind ice blue eyes that regarded her coldly as he turned to face her.

"You must have a death wish," he said in a low voice.

Ashildr looked so ordinary, out there on the ordinary street, her face pale and her eyes wide as she looked up the furious TimeLord.

"They rioted," she said, her voice a hushed whisper, "They revolted against my rules. Another took over. He took the Quantum Shade from me. He took everything. They relocated and I was cast out."

The Doctor stepped closer to her.

Ashildr backed away, into the blind alley where no hidden street remained, and her back hit a brick wall as he took another step closer, away from the shoppers, out of sight of the crowds as he placed his hand on her jaw and gripped it gently, looking at her in such a way that it seemed he could, and indeed would, decide to increase that pressure and snap her bones any time he felt like it...

"I told you to keep away from me!" he said sharply, "You wanted me to know you lost everything? Good, it makes me happy! You know what would have made me happier?"

Fear reflected in her eyes as he leant closer and she felt his breath on her face.

" _I would have been much happier if you had saved Clara!"_

Then he let go, and she took in a shaken breath.

"There was nothing I could do! I would have saved her if I could -"

" _Shut up. Please, for your own sake Ashildr, keep your mouth shut. Clara is dead and I have no reason to ignore my anger now. I told you to keep away from me!"_

He was doing it again, and he knew it:

His right hand was at his side, clenched into a solid fist.

He stopped doing that, because he had his sense of decency and was afraid this immortal who had cost him Clara would push him to an extreme he had once thought himself incapable of.

" _If I kill you, it won't be by my hands or my fists,"_ he said in a low voice, _"I'm better than that. I'll find another way. Now fuck off forever. Leave while you still can."_

"I never asked to live forever," she whispered as she looked up at him, "And I have hated you for that, for making me live on while others around me died...But I am thankful for my life. I want you to know that."

" _And Clara would have been thankful to have kept hers!"_

"She took the chrono lock! That was her choice, not my doing -"

As her back hit the wall again and she felt the heaviness of his hands on her shoulders as he held her there, rage burned in his eyes like blue fire.

"You could have taken her place!"

"I _know_ that!"

Tears filled her eyes.

The Doctor let go of her.

" _Keep away. Last warning,"_ was all he said, then he turned his back and went out into the street, and headed straight for his Tardis.

* * *

The sound of the door closing behind him was a welcome one. Now the Doctor was back in his blue box, ready to leave, ready to take some quiet time to himself to come to terms with his loss. He had all of time and space to do that, the Tardis would be silent without her and he would be lonely without his Clara for company, but he would make her proud. He would get on with life, he knew he was strong enough to do that.

And he was ready to leave, but the door of the Tardis opened and then closed again, and he heard footsteps approaching him as his back was turned and his gaze was set on the console.

The Doctor froze.

 _Why the hell had the Tardis let her in?_

 _Did she want him to commit murder?_

"Turn around and go back out of that door _NOW._ "

" _Please listen to me...Please! Kill me if you must. Destroy me, do it any way you wish, tear the chip out of my head if it makes you feel better! But know that I am sorry!"_

He turned around.

She stepped closer and grabbed him by the lapels of his velvet jacket.

"I never would have let harm come to her! I remember Clara from so long ago, I have always liked her, she was such a kind young woman!"

He didn't want her hands on his jacket, so he gripped her wrists and enjoyed the way she froze now he had her under control.

"I know she was," he said as anger tightened in his throat, "She was beautiful and clever and _so_ many things you could _never_ understand - and I will never forgive _you_ for the part you played in her death!"

"Clara brought it on herself! I could _not_ reverse it!"

Ashildr gave a gasp as his grip on her wrists turned bruising, and he saw pain in her eyes and sharply let go.

"I know how reckless she was. But you could have saved her!"

And he looked about the empty console room, thinking how Clara would never walk in again and how he would never have to fight off one of her unexpected hugs. It hit him hard, and he wanted to weep. He knew he would miss her for a very long time, and that hurt.

"If I could have that moment again, I would have taken her place," she whispered as she blinked away tears, "But that moment is gone."

And for a brief second as he looked at her he saw that innocent, sweet Viking girl who he had restored to life. Then he remembered she was deceptively youthful, the truth was that she was centuries old and had grown cold with it, because immortality had made her bitter.

"You became cold and bitter and your values became corrupted because I let you live far too long!"

"No," she replied, "I became all of those things because my lifetimes faded into the past, I could only recall those I loved through my journals. _Loss_ did this to me."

And the Doctor looked back at her as he wondered for a moment if loss was making him bitter, too...

"I want you to leave," he said again, and turned his back to her.

The room was silent save for the sound of her stifled sob, and then she spoke again.

"I do not want to spend the rest of eternity knowing you hate me. I have lost everything too! Clara was your life but mine was the Trap Street and it is gone! I have paid for my mistakes! You gave me life. You restored me from death. I can not spend forever running from you and from this! Please, Doctor?"

He turned back to face her.

The look in her eyes was one he was not expecting.

"Allow us to make peace," she said pleadingly, and she embraced him.

The Doctor froze. Then his hearts lurched as he recalled the last person to hold him like that had been Clara. His grief got the better of him as tears blinded his eyes and he stiffly embraced her as he held back from weeping and closed his eyes, imagining for one moment that this _was_ Clara...

" _Forgive me."_

Her lips touched his and the Doctor snapped his eyes open, brought back to reality sharply as anger rose inside him.

" _Get off me!"_

"Forgive me," she said again.

Her body was pressed close to his as she looked up at him, and for a moment it caught him again as he recalled how she used to be, long ago before the woman who had lived had turned cold.

"Let us part as friends," she said softly as she clung to him, "We both have our losses...please, let there be no war between us."

And she was closer once more, looking into his eyes as her lips were a fraction from his.

"Let go of me. I don't know what I'm doing right now, Ashildr... I think you should leave -"

"All these years," she said quietly as her gaze locked with his, "Did you really never think I might have imagined..."

He was grieving, he was emotional and caught between fury and the urge to break down and weep. He saw fear in her eyes, and that fear was mixed with longing.

 _They had both lost everything..._

It suddenly occurred to him that he was _still_ holding her in his embrace.

" _Don't look at me like that,"_ he warned her, _"Don't play with fire, because that's what I am. The kind of fire that can and will destroy you."_

Still that look was in her eyes, and it needed no words.

As he pulled her close and kissed her, he felt his anger rising as he thought again of Clara. He still blamed her for her death, but as he kissed her hard and pushed up her skirt and tugged down her underwear and she caught her breath and he heard cotton rip, he wondered how something that was meant to be an act of love could be so full of anger.

She clung to him, her arms around his shoulders and one leg up against his hip as he kissed her roughly and then freed his erection and slammed into her. She cried out sharply and it was not a cry of pleasure, and he closed his eyes and thought of the time he had taken his UNIT colleague and friend with benefits Kate Stewart for a flight on his private plane, where they had got drunk together in the private lounge and he had taken her on the floor.

 _What had she said as she grabbed him and laughed as desire sparkled in her eyes?_

He remembered it:

 _Fuck me, Mister President..._

That did it. That was enough for him to finish the job and come hard, before pulling away from her and leaning on the console to get his breath back as he avoided her gaze as he tidied his clothing, and tried to tell himself that what he just did with Ashildr was best forgotten, and quickly.

" _Doctor..."_

She reached for him.

He pulled up his zip, avoiding her grasp as he paused to buckle his belt.

"That meant nothing," he said quietly, "It was rough and full of anger and it was a moment of weakness for both of us. You should go now."

She stood there, smoothing down her creased skirt with a look of hurt in her eyes that surprised him.

"But I thought -"

"You thought wrong," he replied, "You have the face and the eyes of a virgin but the attitude a thousand year old lady of the night. Maybe that's not the right phrase. Perhaps _whore_ would be more precise. You really think _sex_ can change my mind about _you_?"

She stared at him.

"No, I swear, that was not my intention -"

"Get out, let's leave it there. I'd hate for things to get ugly, let's draw a line under it and go our separate ways."

She still looked stunned.

"Didn't you listen to what I said?"

"Bye," he replied, and he looked hard at her.

She looked back at him, and then she turned to leave.

As the Tardis door closed behind her it got through to him, through that swirl of grief and anger - Ashildr had actually seemed hurt by his rejection - _genuinely_ hurt.

But the Tardis still seemed too big and quiet without Clara.

He threw a lever and the Tardis took off, taking him back out into the inky starlit space that he called home, where the Doctor decided to stay for a while, because now it was the only place that truly gave him the comfort that he needed.

* * *

The Doctor spent the next few months doing what he loved best – travelling. He kept out of trouble and lived quietly, and missing Clara and remembering how she had died and why, was enough to kill his own urges to be reckless, at least for now.

And he had _no_ intention of returning to Earth for a long time...

But then his mobile phone rang, and that call changed everything.

"Doctor, I need to see you," said Kate Stewart, and she sounded tense.

"What's wrong?" the Doctor had asked as he reached for the console and changed course for a return flight to Earth.

"This needs to be said face to face," she told him, "Just come back, Doctor. _Now_. It's urgent!"

"Okay. I'm on my -"

She hung up.

"...way..." he said, finishing the sentence as the line fell silent.

Then he put the phone in his pocket and turned his attention back to the console, preparing to land the Tardis on Earth as he wondered why Kate had called him suddenly - and why she sounded so strangely tense and unusually cold towards him...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Tardis had landed. The Doctor stepped out on to a quiet field deep in the country side, in the distance he saw a building that he guessed was a UNIT facility, and then as he turned to look to the roadside,he saw Kate's car pull up. On the way back, she had contacted him again - no call, no spoken words, just a text message with details of where to meet.

 _And this was all odd._

She usually spoke to him so warmly, if there were no crises going on regarding aliens and a threat to the earth, their conversations were full of playful flirting.

 _But not this time._

And as she walked across the field to meet him, her expression was stony. It almost made him wonder what he had done to upset her, but then he thought back and could think of nothing that would give her a reason to look at him like that...She was wrapped up against the chill of the early autumn mist that hung lightly in the air, and beneath the arm of her thick coat, she carried a folder marked _Confidential._

"Doctor," she said, and she still sounded cold, and that bothered him, "I asked you to come here to speak about a matter of some urgency."

"I see no planes frozen in the skies and hear no hint of a zygon uprising, so what could this be about?"

She looked at him, and again,the coldness he saw in her eyes bothered him greatly.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She ignored that question.

"A month ago there was a terrible accident on a London street, you probably didn't hear about it because you were not around at the time – but a drunk driver came off the road, the car mounted the pavement and ploughed into shoppers injuring eighteen people,leaving four in a critical condition, two of which have since died... the worst of the injured was a girl, looks around nineteen, had no ID on her -"

"Kate," the Doctor said, "This is a terrible accident, yes, and an avoidable one – how very awful and very twenty first century too... _but unless the drunk driver of the car was an inebria_ te _d Dalek, or the car was actually a cloaked cyber fleet vessel in disguise, I don't see what this has to do with me_."

She still had the cold look in her eyes as she met his gaze, and it bothered him greatly now, because Kate was _not_ usually so formal when the two of them were alone together...

"But you are involved," she told him, "And this is going to take some explaining. Perhaps when I've told you everything, you'll stop giving me that look,wondering why I don't seem to happy to see you!"

His eyes widened.

"It's nothing I've done!"

"The girl was heavily pregnant," Kate told him, the baby was delivered a week after the accident."

The Doctor looked at her blankly.

"I'm not sure where this is going, I'm still confused."

"Maybe this will jog your memory," she said,and opened up the folder and handed him a photograph.

The Doctor stared at it.

"Familiar?" Kate asked him, "Lab confirmed it's alien technology – and she appears to be human, but to have something _that_ complex embedded into her brain clearly suggests alien contact of some kind. Doctor, are you listening to me?"

His hand shook as he handed the picture back to Kate.

"Yes...I heard you. And I know that chip,I haven't seen it since the days of the Vikings...It was me,I put that chip into her, it was from a fallen alien enemy...a chip designed to constantly repair the body. She died saving her village, so I restored her with the chip. She's centuries old...no...sorry, _was_ centuries old... _Did she suffer?_ "

Kate looked at him,and in the moment she paused before answering, he wondered if he was simply feeling raw after Clara's death, because the thought that Ashildr might have suffered actually caused him more pain - even though he felt sure the anger he felt towards her would never really fade out.

"She's not dead," Kate told him, "She had a serious head injury and that was how the chip was discovered- it was taken out along with some shattered skull and some brain matter that was leaking out of her."

The Doctor winced at the thought of it.

"So she won't survive?"

"Because of the alien chip she was brought here," she said, glancing to facility across the field, "It's a medical research base intended to treat extra terrestrials. They were able to graft an organic patch to replace the damaged tissue,it was experimental but seems to have been a success. But she won't recall anything if she does recover. Her memories are gone."

The Doctor looked at her, pausing for thought as he considered all that Ashildr's very long life had done to affect her, twisting up her values and making her so hard hearted.

"So the chip is out and now she's like any other human on this planet? Mortal...and her memories are completely lost?"

Kate nodded.

"She's still on life support. We don't know which way it will go yet. But the facility has excellent equipment designed to preserve life, so she could survive. Which would be for the best, considering the baby."

 _"Ashildr was pregnant?"_

Kate gave a sigh.

"I told you that -"

"No, you said one of the _injured_ was heavily pregnant."

"The baby was delivered by C section, a little girl,and she's doing just fine."

Kate paused again, looking at him as he still wondered why she was looking at him like that.

" _Doctor,"_ she said, _"The baby has two hearts. We ran a DNA test and it confirms you are the child's father."_

His eyes widened as he stared at her. In his mind, he was back in the Tardis settling the quarrel with Ashildr in the worst possible way, and to think that act that had been nothing to do with love had caused _this_ to happen made him feel dizzy as his face paled.

" _Mine? No,it can't be..."_

"That was my first reaction," she said coldly, " _It can't be_. I mean, going from me to that.. _.girl_...bit young for you, isn't she?"

" _Young?_ _No she is not!_ She is from the days of the Vikings! She's _so_ old she's probably the only person on this planet best suited to me thanks to her great age! Her youthful looks are hjghly deceptive!"

"Still," Kate replied, "You could have told me. I always thought there was nothing more than fun with us... _friends with benefits_...I thought maybe one day you and Clara might have got together, and that wouldn't have been a shock. But this is. I never saw _this_ coming."

"There is nothing between me and Ashildr," he told her, and he looked to facility into the distance, and then back at Kate.

 _"Me and Clara can never happen now, by the way. Clara's dead."_

"Dead?" Kate was shocked, "How?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"She got over confident, made a rash decision and then it was too late to help her. But I had looked to Ashildr to help her and she claimed she could do nothing. I blame her partly, I think I always will."

"Well you'd better _stop_ blaming her because she will recall nothing of her past if she wakes," Kate reminded him, "And what ever happened between you, that child is yours."

"And that child is the _only_ reason I'm still standing here having this conversation with you," he told her, "I have no loyalty to Ashildr."

"We should go to the base," Kate said, "You need to see your child, Doctor."

"We'll take the Tardis," he replied in a hushed voice,and then he went back inside and Kate followed, the door closed and the Tardis faded from view as it vanished from the field, shifting the short distance to the inside of the medical facility.

* * *

When the ship had landed, Kate waited by the door.

"Doctor?" she said, and he still had his back to her as he faced the console to avoid her gaze.

"I really don't want to be here...I'm only here for the baby's sake."

He turned around.

She saw fear in his eyes.

 _This was the Doctor without Clara to hold him up, and he had just had a huge shock and felt all alone with it..._

"I get what you said about Ashildr," she told him as the look in her eyes softened, "I understand now."

"Now?" he exclaimed, once again feeling his anger prickle, "Oh, _sure_ you do! It makes it okay now, because you know she's _centuries_ _old_! So I'm _not_ a dirty old man who got a teenage girl knocked up after all! I'm _so_ glad you feel better, Kate. And I thought you _knew_ me better, too."

"There was no way of knowing any of that until you explained!" she said to him as he joined her at the doorway.

"Please shut up, I can't do conversation right now," he replied, and stepped out of the Tardis.

* * *

They began to walk together down a long white corridor, and then they came to a lift that descended below ground level. Kate hit the button and the Doctor paused, looking about the place with a sense of unease.

"I just want to see the baby," he said quietly.

"Of course you do, she's yours."

The lift doors opened and they stepped inside and Kate pressed a button,and the doors closed and the lift began to descend.

"Is that where she is?" he remarked, "Hidden away under the ground? Away from the sunlight?"

Kate got the feeling the Doctor was already becoming protective towards that tiny baby, and it came as no surprise at all.

"She's being cared for until her mother recovers...which could be a very long time. Unless of course her _father_ wants to take her home."

The Doctor stared at her. His face had paled again.

" _Home?_ To the Tardis?"

"Or you could settle here on Earth for a while, see how the situation turns out with the mother. If Ashildr recovers, she's going to need looking after. I don't know what happened between you to cause such animosity, but you did make this baby together, it makes sense you would want to try and keep some kind of sense of family life going for the child."

"I just want to see my baby," he said again, and looked down at the floor.

Then the doors opened and they stepped out into a white corridor brightly lit with harsh lighting to make up for lack of daylight.

* * *

Moments later, they were sitting together in a small room with comfortable chairs and a table and pictures of landscapes on the walls, and Kate went off to find a nurse, who returned way before the Doctor felt prepared for it, and placed a baby girl wrapped in a white shawl into his arms.

As the child started to cry and Kate handed him a bottle of formula milk, he cradled the child in his arms and watched as she started to feed, her eyes locking on to his.

Then he recalled how Clara had told him that all his desire for revenge would fade away at the sound of the first crying child.

 _He had not expected that child to be his own..._

She looked up at him with eyes reflecting his own shade, and he heard her voice, reaching into his mind:

 _Where is my mother?_

He blinked away tears of joy as his twin hearts beat a little faster and he held his child in his arms and looked down at her as she fed.

"Your mother Ashildr has been in an accident. I'm the Doctor. I'm your father. And you are the most _beautiful_ little girl in the whole world!" he said as love shone in his eyes, "And I will look after you and protect you always, because that's what a Daddy is supposed to do."

Then brushed a lock of dark hair off the child's face and kissed her forehead, before continuing to feed her.

Kate stood there watching, feeling a sudden surge of emotion as she realised just what a strongly paternal man the Doctor actually was.

"When she's been fed, you can hand her back to one of the nurses-"

"Why?" he said protectively, "She's mine, she's coming home with me!"

"Yes of course but you haven't seen Ashildr yet."

The baby was still drinking the milk, and feeding well.

The Doctor looked up from the child in his arms, and his expression changed.

"I don't want to see her, Kate. Please don't mention her again."

"But she's critical. This could be your last chance to say goodbye."

The Doctor thought about his last meeting with Ashildr, how he had told her to get out...

He looked down at the baby, and suddenly sadness clouded his eyes.

"Your mother? Okay, I'll see her for you, sweetheart. And then you're coming home with me."

And he looked back to Kate.

"I speak baby. She just asked me to see her mother, because she misses her and worries for her. _So I said I'd do it. For her, not for Ashildr."_

* * *

A short while later the Doctor handed the baby back to a nurse, and as he handed her over, Kate saw a brief flicker of pain in his eyes at the thought of separation from her.

"I know this might be hard for you," Kate began carefully, "But I could always pick up some supplies for you and then bring the over to the Tardis. You could get a nursery ready and I could bring your daughter to you tomorrow."

They were heading towards the end of the corridor, to a door that was ajar, and the closer they got, the tighter his throat felt.

"I...don't know," he said nervously, "I'd like to take her home now."

"What about moving into one of the properties you own here on Earth?" she suggested,"You could always do that, keep the Tardis in the house, don't you have a place not far from here? A cottage?"

"It's a house not a cottage and its twenty miles from here in the next village," he replied, "I haven't been up there for a few years...I could always go there today and get the place sorted out."

"And I'll get you everything you need for the baby," she told him, "So are we agreed - you take her home tomorrow?"

He looked at Kate.

"Okay," he said to her, "I'd rather have everything ready than walk out of here with a baby and no nappies or milk."

And she smiled, but then as they paused by the doorway, her smile faded.

"You should see Ashildr now. I know you don't want to,I can see it in your eyes, but this really could be the last time you ever see her."

"I know that," the Doctor said quietly, and then he took in a deep breath and opened the door and stepped into the room.

* * *

Ashildr was on her back with her eyes closed. Her face was pale and it only made the bruises look deeper. Her hair still fell to her shoulders, but there was a scar that had been stitched closed that ran across her hairline and it looked tight and painful, and that too was blackened by bruising. A single device was fixed to her upper chest, advanced life support equipment, intended for alien use. He was glad she was here, because at least this place gave her a chance...

Kate left the room and the Doctor sat down on a chair at Ashildr's bedside, and he looked at her, watched as she lay there breathing slowly, and then he found his voice.

"You were pregnant and it was mine and you _never_ tried to find me again. Is that because you didn't want to, or because of the way I treated you? I'll never know. I'm trying _not_ to hate you _, not_ to think about your part in Clara's death. _But it's difficult._ I'm trying to be a good man about this, but I don't know if I can be. I'm taking the baby with me. I don't know what to do about you, not yet. But I am glad the chip is out, I'm glad you're now mortal with one lifetime and your memories of immortality are gone. This could be a new start for you. _But I don't know if I can take that on. I don't know if I can forgive you enough to help you with that._ "

Then he got up, turned and looked at her, and shook his head, knowing he had no more left to say.

"I'll come back," he told her, "I will visit again."

Then he turned away and left the room as he wondered why he had tears stinging his eyes when he still felt so much anger towards her...

* * *

"Are you okay?" Kate asked him as they walked away towards the lift.

The Doctor looked away from her and blinked several times then met her gaze.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm going up to the house, I'll get it ready. And I'll see you tomorrow with the baby."

They had reached the lift. Kate pressed the call button.

"She's going to need a name."

"I know, I'm still thinking about that," he replied, and then the doors opened, they got into the lift and it began to rise, heading for the surface level.

"Are you sure you'll be okay on your own?"

It was the second time Kate had asked that question.

The Doctor said nothing in reply and waited until the lift had stopped, the doors had opened and they were walking back towards the Tardis.

"Doctor? I said -"

"Will I be okay? You mean, will I have some kind of break down, will I lose it, having no Clara to look after me?"

"No, I didn't mean that! I meant -"

He reached the Tardis and opened the door and glanced at her.

"I know what you meant and yes it _has_ been a shock to find out about Ashildr and the baby... but I'll be fine, Kate. And I'll see you tomorrow."

He forced a smile and she smiled too, even though she noticed how pale he looked. The shock of the news had not yet properly sunk in, and she did worry for him, because he had no one to hold him up and in this lifetime, the Doctor was _not_ the strongest of men when it came to emotional shocks like this one...

Then he went inside, the door closed and the Tardis faded out of sight, and still Kate worried.

" _I hope you mean it, Doctor,"_ she said under her breath as she walked away, _"You'd better be okay...because Clara's not here to watch out for you now..."_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Tardis door was open, its light from within glowed welcomingly as the Doctor stood in the main bedroom of the house in the country he had bought a few years back. He hadn't forgotten about the place, just had no need of it often because he loved to travel.

He had kept the place going in his absence, paying a housekeeper to come in once a month to keep the place tidy and basically keep it going. The electricity was working, there was no dust, and all he needed to do was put some sheets on the bed and get the place warm and it would soon feel like home...

It had just started to rain and he went over to the window, pushed the net aside and looked down into a garden of neatly cut lawn framed by roses that had stopped blooming a month ago.

Then he turned his head, looking back to the glow of the Tardis and felt an ache:

 _That_ was home, in there, _not_ out here.

This house was a hundred years old and with its light floral walls and velvet drapes and polished wood that gave off the smell of beeswax, the place was full of old world charm. He didn't doubt it would be a fine place to raise a family, but when that word had come to mind over recent years, his thoughts had shifted in the direction of Clara, and he had hoped that one day, perhaps...

 _No point in wishing now._

He pushed aside thoughts of the past and opened the bedroom door, crossed the hallway and opened up the door of the second largest bedroom.

In here the walls were pale and the colour scheme was blue and white, and although it didn't have the grandeur of the main bedroom with its four poster bed, it would be enough _if_ she ever came to stay.

 _Yes, this would put a nice distance between him and his child's mother..._

He opened up the other doors, one led to a black and white tiled bathroom, another opened up into a room with old wallpaper decorated with rainbows and rocking horses, and when he looked around that room, he smiled.

This would be perfect for the baby. The Tardis also had a nursery, and he could take some of the stuff out of there and move it into the house. That nursery had not been used for a _very_ long time, but the Tardis had kept everything for him, because she had known...

 _Maybe that was why she had let Ashildr walk in on that fateful day..._

 _Had the Tardis known what would result of their encounter?_

Downstairs, the grandfather clock in the hallway chimed three times.

He checked his watch. Then he frowned...It was mid day...

The Doctor went down the stairs, then down the hallway, past a luxurious front room and then a dining room and a study. He reached the corner that turned and led to the kitchen and looked at the face of the clock:

It was keeping good time.

 _It chimed again, another three times._

He gave a sigh, and guessed there would be little point ringing the agency back, because he had already cancelled the housekeeper, and it seemed a waste of time to ask if she had been taking care of the clock properly...

He reached for the key set in the lock and turned it and opened the casing.

The Doctor stared at the note that was tied to the pendulum, and then he took it out and unfolded it. The paper was yellowed and dusty and the message was written in faded ink:

 _Seven years._

The Doctor blinked, and the writing faded away.

Then as the clock chimed again making seven chimes, he looked about the house, wondering what was amiss. Then he heard a thump from upstairs, and that thump sounded like the door of his Tardis...

* * *

The Doctor ran back up the stairs.

He reached the bedroom, hurried in and stopped, looking to the open door of the Tardis.

The light still glowed from within, and the place seemed still.

"Hello?" he said sharply, thinking for one crazy moment that someone had followed him here, and then he remembered the Tardis wouldn't have allowed that to happen.

Of _course_ the Tardis was empty...

He walked up to the open door way, hesitated and then stepped inside.

The room was filled with the usual soft hum and the console room was empty.

He thought about the message he had found inside the clock.

" _Seven years..."_ he muttered, turning the phrase over and over in his mind as he wondered what it meant, and then he left the console room and went down the corridor, heading for his bedroom, because he needed to shift some of his belongings from the Tardis to the house. The nursery would be the next room to tackle – there was much he could move from there into the house,and he thought on that as he opened up a wardrobe and took out some suits and other clothing.

But he was still thinking on that note inside the clock.

 _It meant something, even if it had just been a note to remind him when the clock needed servicing again..._

 _Maybe it meant nothing at all._

 _Or perhaps Kate had been right to worry about him and the fact that he might be struggling. Maybe he was losing it. He knew he felt as if he was totally alone and to him, at least in this lifetime, that was a scary thought._

 _And he hadn't meant to make that small person with Ashildr, but he loved that child. He loved his daughter even if he disliked her mother..._

 _And he didn't want to do it._

 _He didn't want to stay around to look after the woman who played a part in Clara's death..._

* * *

By the time he had finished moving all he needed from the Tardis, the Doctor felt shattered. He felt as if his nerves were in shreds, and he wanted to cry because this situation was not one he had planned for, he had not expected to find himself alone with a new family that had suddenly appeared in his life...

" _I don't love her,"_ he said under his breath as he looked out the window to see the rain had stopped and a weak afternoon sun had broken through cloud, _"I hate her, Clara. I hate Ashildr because she didn't save you. I'm not sure I can ever stop hating her..."_

And no answer came back, because Clara was dead and gone and remembering that made him feel even more alone. Then he turned away from the window, sat down in a comfortable armchair and watched as the newly lit fire burned warm in the fireplace.

He leant back against the chair, gave a sigh and closed his eyes.

The Doctor thought of his baby daughter and that was enough to lift out his sadness. He was a father now, at least he had that wonderful child to raise...

Just as he had slipped into a deep sleep, something tugged him back from it.

The Doctor opened his eyes and sat up, listening as he instantly became alert:

 _Music was drifting from the kitchen._

The Doctor got up and left the room and went down the hallway, glanced at the clock and noticed it was keeping good time, and then he went into the kitchen, a place with old wooden cupboards that looked like it hadn't been decorated for thirty years. He noticed at least there was a washing machine in here, and there was a room out the back that led outside, and in that room was a tumble dryer. That was useful, babies made for a lot of laundry...

He opened the cupboards and made a mental note to go and get some shopping before they day was out, it was either that or raid the Tardis kitchen.

 _And still that music was playing._

It was an old song, and he wasn't in the mood for any song right now.

He paused, looking at the radio. It was an old vintage model, with a polished wood casing and a round speaker in the middle with two tuning buttons.

And as he looked at it, he listened to the song, it had been playing since he woke from sleeping and was still playing...There was something about the way it was playing that had made him take notice,and he listened carefully:

 _'Dearest darling  
I had to write to say that I won't be home any more  
For something happened to me  
While I was driving home and I'm not the same any more...'_

The music jumped like a scratched record:

 _'What can I do  
When I can never, never, never go home again?' _

It jumped again:

 _'I was only twenty four hours from Tulsa  
Only one day away from your arms...' _

The Doctor thought about it.

" _The lyrics are in the wrong order,"_ he murmured, and as the song lyrics played again in a loop, he noticed the plug was not connected to the wall. He grabbed the radio, turned it around and saw the back was empty.

 _The radio was an empty case..._

The music fell silent.

He put the radio back, took his sonic screwdriver from his pocket and activated it, detecting a trace of energy in the air, and he followed that trace, back down the hallway and up the stairs once more.

 _Nothing made sense._

 _Not even after he had gone back to the Tardis, scanned the ship and then the house and then the surrounding area._

 _It all came back clean..._

The Doctor checked the time and left the Tardis and closed the door, even though he knew no one would get in there - the Tardis was safe, yet he didn't feel alone, even though scans had confirmed nothing was amiss.

He went back down stairs, intending to go shopping to get the kitchen stocked up. Then he paused and looked up the stairway again, expecting to hear something – but now the house was silent.

 _He still didn't get it._

His first concern had been bringing the baby back here, because it seemed like something strange was going on. But the Tardis scan had revealed nothing more than an echo, a weak and harmless energy field that seemed to run in a loop - originating from the Tardis. But on scanning to find the source, the Tardis could not locate it.

The Doctor wondered if perhaps it was due to a future event – maybe a future visit to this house had happened in another life time that was yet to be, and the two blue boxes had perhaps glanced in the time stream, causing this as an after effect.

Perhaps that was the answer.

But he didn't have time to think about it, because it was getting late in the day, and he had to go shopping because he had a new baby coming home...

* * *

By the time morning came around, the Doctor had grabbed a few hours sleep and then woken on the sofa to hear a knock at the door. He hurried to answer it, and as soon as he saw Kate with his daughter in his arms, he smiled as she handed him his baby girl, and as they went through to the front room, for now, his troubles were forgotten.

Kate watched as the Doctor sat on the sofa and cradled his daughter.

"I don't think I've ever seen you look so happy," she said.

The Doctor looked up from the child in his arms.

"Listen Kate,I was wondering...how about I take her up to the nursery and get her off to sleep and then maybe you could stay for a while, we could -"

" _I don't think so."_

Wow, that had been short and to the point.

"Why not?" he asked her, and she saw disappointment in his eyes.

"I'm not angry with you," Kate told him, "I have no reason to be. What we had was fun and nothing serious...but you have Ashildr to think of. You've heard the good news?"

The Doctor looked at her blankly.

"What news?"

"The mother of your child is starting to show signs of waking up. I thought you would have known that, I thought you might have made the habit of calling the medical centre on a regular basis just to be sure she's okay."

 _That felt like an accusation._

"I know you think I'm being harsh but Kate, there was _nothing_ between us!"

"And she's still the mother of your child - who might want that child _back_ when she fully wakes up!"

" _If_ she wakes up," he replied.

"That was harsh," Kate said to him, "Sounds like you're hoping she's going to stay in that place!"

" _That's not true!"_ he told her sharply, and then he heard the voice of his child and looked down at her.

"I'm sorry about the raised voices, I'm going to take you upstairs now and show you the nursery."

And he got up from his seat and left the room and headed for the stairs and Kate followed.

* * *

As the Doctor put his baby daughter into the old fashioned wooden cot and tucked her in, the child smiled up at him.

"You like it in here, I know you do!" he said warmly, and then he paused to turn a mobile that hung over the cot that was decorated with glittering Gallifreyan swirls.

The baby watched as the mobile turned, and then she smiled again and closed her eyes. The Doctor watched her sleeping for a moment, and then he checked the baby monitor and walked back to the hallway to join Kate.

"We should leave her to sleep for a while."

Kate was still looking into the nursery, that place everything, it was full of toys and it was bright and cheerful and the old wallpaper seemed brighter for the way the sunlight came in to the room and lit the place with a soft golden glow as sunset approached.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked him.

He closed the door to the nursery, then they walked back towards the stairs together.

"I think so," he replied,"It's been tough but I couldn't have a greater incentive to look forward to than a new start with my own child."

They paused by the stairway, and the Doctor looked into her eyes.

"You haven't seen my bedroom yet," he said hopefully, and glanced to the door at the end of the hallway.

Kate's frosty look cancelled his hopes right away.

"How can you think about sex at a time like this? The mother of your child is seriously injured and her recovery can't even be predicted - and you want to drag me off to the bedroom?"

"No, it doesn't have to be that way. _You_ could drag _me_ if you like..."

Kate gave a sigh.

"Bad timing, and not appropriate under the circumstances," she told him, "You've had a lot to deal with and I think you should take this time to think about what you actually want to do – shagging me isn't going to change a thing."

He raised an eyebrow.

"It'll certainly beat jacking off on my own to the porn channel...not that I like the porn channel. Can't even get it on my TV."

Kate briefly smiled.

"I have to go, Doctor. If you need me – genuinely, for help – call me, okay?"

He nodded.

She kissed his cheek and he wished she had kissed his lips instead, and then he went downstairs with her and she opened the front door and left, and the Doctor stood there watching as she drove away, and then he closed door behind him once more, feeling slightly trapped in this house when all he had to do was go into that blue box upstairs and he could fly off to anywhere he wished...

 _But he couldn't do that, he had the baby to consider._

He felt lonely.

Then as he considered how Kate had rejected him, he felt resentment building once again as he thought of Ashildr:

 _Oh great, his involvement with her had now cost him Kate._

 _That was something else to blame her for..._

* * *

After checking on his sleeping daughter, the Doctor went through to the master bedroom and then back to his Tardis, because being in there reminded him his real home was still here, tucked away within these walls of bricks and mortar.

He ran another scan on the faint energy trace and again the result came back that it was running on a loop, traceable back to the Tardis.

 _Yet the Tardis was clean..._

Based on the fact that he trusted his ship, he knew there was no threat to his child, or to himself by the strange events that had happened since his arrival.

He guessed he would just have to live with it and work it out as he went along - when his thoughts were not on caring for his baby daughter.

Then a sound came from far off down the Tardis corridor, the softest click as a door closed.

The Doctor left the console room to investigate.

* * *

The door that had closed was the door to his bedroom on board the ship.

He paused by it and listened, hearing no sound, and then he turned the handle and the door swung open:

Everything was just as he left it, the bed made, the wardrobe open where he had taken out some clothing, the dressing table empty because he had moved everything from it to the house...

And then he felt strangely light headed and blinked.

In that moment the world flashed white, and he felt as if he were somewhere else:

There was a burner on a fancy table next to a bed that was not his. The room was dark and the white smoke that drifted up from the burner filled the room with a heady scent of an alien aphrodisiac that he was sure he could put a name to if he thought about it...

The bed was covered with silken sheets, the posts on the bed were draped with the same,colourful silken drapes, expensive and patterned with alien markings...

" _Where am I?"_ he whispered.

The lights went out and only the burner glowed now, and he heard them, heavy breathing, gasping, on the brink of orgasm.

" _Who are you?"_ he said in a hushed voice.

He looked about the room, and the flash came back, temporarily making him unsteady as the vision was ripped away. He grabbed at the handle of the door to steady himself, leant against it too hard and something struck the door frame, as the door refused to close.

The Doctor looked about the room now seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he was back in the Tardis in his bedroom and it looked just like he had left it...

Except for one thing...

As he turned back to the door, he saw why it had not closed, and slid the bolt back in place and then looked at it intently:

He knew he had been forgetful and sometimes missed small details since his regeneration, but he was pretty sure he would have noticed a lock on the inside of the door before...

 _How long had it been there?_

It was slightly scratched, the paint around it was chipped as if it had been used a lot at one point, but he didn't recall putting it there...

"When did I do that?" he said aloud, and then he shook his head, deciding to write it off as a memory lapse, and he left the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

* * *

The Doctor left the Tardis, shut the door and went back through the house, down the stairs to the front room, where he snatched up his phone from the table and called Kate.

"I've only just got home, what's wrong?" she asked him.

The Doctor knew he was breaking out in a sweat and his hand shook as he held the phone, thinking of the sounds he had heard and the things he had seen...

"Something...I just need to talk to you about something..."

"What's wrong now?" she said again and this time, as he heard the concern in her voice, he knew he could not say he had been seeing things – if he said that, she would take the baby back to the medical centre for sure, she was already expecting him to crack up over losing Clara - and maybe he was, but he wasn't going to let her know about it...

"Oh...nothing," he said, as he tried not to sound nervous, "I just wanted to ask you if you fancied coming over tonight, I thought you might change your mind?"

"I'm busy, I've got paperwork to do. And _you_ have a child to take care of, Doctor! Don't call me again unless it's an emergency, okay?"

He gave a sigh.

"Sorry Kate it won't happen again -"

She hung up.

The Doctor put the phone back down on the table and then sat down heavily in the armchair, then he checked the baby monitor on the table and allowed himself some time to rest. But it didn't feel like rest, not when a thought kept going around in his mind that he couldn't shake off:

 _Maybe Kate was right._

 _Perhaps he couldn't cope with all this sudden change._

 _Maybe he was losing his mind..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author note: From this chapter onwards, expect mentions of interspecies relationships, both hetero and with some slash.**

* * *

Chapter 4

 _Three weeks passed by._

The Doctor found the routine of looking after the baby was easy, and the more time he spent with her, the closer he felt to the small person he had accidentally made during the event he preferred not to think about, when he had crossed that line with Ashildr. He preferred to think of it as the _event_ because to use the phrase _I fucked her_ just didn't sit well with him.

He kept her out of his thoughts, concentrating instead on looking after his daughter. He had decided to name her by now, and had thought of Clara, but decided that would make him sad, then he thought of Rose, but that had been long ago in another lifetime - and possibly still had the power to make him sad. So he had considered how he had been led to his daughter, and named her Katie.

That choice had nothing to do with trying to win favour with Kate Stewart, although he was sure she would see it that way – it was a logical choice as Kate had discovered the child's DNA matched his own. And he would explain that too, if she asked him...

Katie was an easy baby to care for. She was always happy and smiling and rarely cried except for the wail that woke him to give her a night feed.

And the fact that he kept the Tardis in the house meant that he didn't feel so out of place as he had expected - he could go back in there any time he choose, and _really_ feel at home.

And the house was still under the influence of the weak energy field. _That_ song sometimes played on the radio that had nothing inside it, and he heard strange noises that sounded like the Tardis door, as if something was trying to urge him to go upstairs and look, but he ignored it, because he knew what would happen:

 _He would use the Tardis to scan for anomalies._

 _Scan would confirm weak energy field._

 _Field would trace back to the Tardis._

 _A sweep of the Tardis would reveal...nothing._

So the Doctor quietly accepted that either the field was real and would fade out with time, or the whole thing was a stress reaction and he was possibly going insane.

 _Either option seemed best to stay quiet about._

Then one morning after coming back from the park where he had met with Kate, he had gone home alone with Katie after and taking off his heavy coat then lifting the baby from her buggy and taking her out of her thick padded clothing that looked like an all in one snow coat, ( _You've wrapped her in so many layers!_ Kate had said with a smile as she had seen the blankets and the snow coat), and the Doctor had settled Katie down for a nap in the nursery and then left the room and closed the door, and that was when his phone had rung.

He took it from his pocket and and answered it quietly even though the nursery door was closed.

"Kate, I only left you a short while ago... Want to come over for coffee?"

"No," she said, and that frosty tone was back that made any vague hopes of getting closer to her sink like a stone.

"What have I done now?" he asked.

"You mean what _haven't_ you done?" she said angrily, "Doctor, I spent half an hour with you and I assumed you knew, I assumed you'd been to see her -"

"Has something happened to Ashildr?"

He felt a slight jolt, and that surprised him.

"Yes it has, Doctor! She woke up almost three weeks ago, she's recovering and she's had _no_ visitors! I just got a call asking if you could bring the baby to see her! How could you talk to me in the park, tell me you named her after me and not _once_ mention that by the way you haven't even _bothered_ to ask after her mother?"

The Doctor felt caught out.

"I guess I was avoiding a difficult subject..."

"I'm coming over to fetch you. I want you to bring the baby with you – Ashildr wants to see her."

The Doctor gave a heavy sigh.

"Right, I'll do that, see you soon."

Then he hung up the call and felt a deep sense of dread at the thought that he would have to face that woman again. He couldn't even begin to make sense of how he felt about the person who had played a part in Clara's death, yet at the same time had made him the father of that wonderful child...

 _But he couldn't avoid it._

 _This had to be done..._

* * *

A short while later, the Doctor was ready to leave, all he had left to do was go into the nursery and get Katie wrapped up warm, and then they could wait downstairs for Kate.

His hearts felt heavy as he thought about seeing Ashildr again:

 _He didn't know what to say to her._

 _She had no memories. She didn't even recall who he was..._

 _But she did want her baby. Of course she did, and knowing her, she would probably want to take the child away from him, too..._

He walked down the hallway towards the nursery, and suddenly lost his breath and fell to his knees as another one of those white light flashes took him over:

 _His hands were freezing._

 _He blinked, and saw he was on his knees in snow, and the snow was still coming down._

 _And he was sobbing as he dug his fingers into the snow and wept._

" _I loved him!" he said, "I loved him..."_

 _And someone wrapped their arms around him, and he sobbed against his companion, it seemed both of them were oblivious to the cold as they wept together. He felt grief had torn out a piece of both his hearts..._

The Doctor blinked, and found himself on his knees, on the carpet in the upstairs hallway, where thanks to the central heating, this house was very warm, even if the skies outside looked like snow was on the way.

The Doctor got up and wiped his eyes, feeling strangely disoriented...

What the hell had _that_ been about?

He cast his mind back, far back, and could recall nothing like that linked to any of his previous lives, he had never wept in the snow over someone he loved.

He ran his fingers through his silver hair and then shook his head, none of it made sense...

"Who was he?" he murmured, and the only answer that came instantly was, _He was a man I loved._

"What?" the Doctor said aloud.

That conclusion made no sense, either.

In this lifetime, he was most definitely heterosexual all the way through – yet this love and the loss of it was _definitely_ the death of a lover...

"No, still don't get it," he said, thinking on certain other lifetimes and adventurous experiments. There had been a couple of other lives where he had most certainly been bi curious, but those relationships had been casual, and none of those people concerned had caused him to weep at their death, not caring that it was freezing and the ground was covered with snow.

He couldn't place the event at all.

" _Okay Doctor, you're probably going nuts,"_ he murmured, silently blaming the stress of having to go and visit Ashildr as he secretly feared she would want her baby back...

* * *

After Kate arrived, the Doctor took the baby out to the car while Kate waited and waited as he carefully checked the baby seat over and over to be sure it was secure. Then he checked his daughter was strapped in securely.

By now, small flakes of snow were starting to fall...

"Finally!" Kate complained as he closed the back door and then got into the front passenger seat, and then she got in too, started the engine, turned on the wipers to keep the windscreen clear of the light flurry of snowfall, and then they set off on their journey.

As they drove along, Kate was talking about how Ashildr was vastly improving every day thanks to the treatment she had received.

"I guess she wouldn't have been so lucky if not for the chip," he remarked, "By the way I'm going to need that chip. It had to be disposed of carefully – your human methods won't work."

"Fine, I'll pass it on next time I see you," she replied, and then they drove in silence once again.

The Doctor was watching the snowfall. That snow was dizzying as it twisted and flurried down from the leaden sky, and he blinked several times to try and make the dizziness shift, but it was happening again, this time as a train of thought, as if he had just been pulled out of a conversation that he could not place.

Then he smiled and laughed softly.

"What?" Kate asked, giving him a funny look and then turning her attention back to the road.

The Doctor suddenly felt as if he had much to hide, because he did not want Kate to even guess that there could possibly be something wrong...

"Who's Del?" he asked her.

She shook her head, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Never heard of him. Why?"

"I keep getting the feeling...I don't know, maybe it's a future lifetime thing or something...there's this guy, his name is Del and he's got a great sense of humour, he's a fantastic cook and..." he paused, seeing an image flash to mind that he still couldn't place, "I really don't get this. He can't be anyone I've known in the past because I wouldn't have forgotten him...And I _definitely_ wouldn't have forgotten he had a cybernetic larynx. I think...I _think_ he also had some kind of reconstructive work done to his face...made him look nothing like he _should_ have looked...And he wasn't human."

Kate glanced at him.

"An alien?I definitely can't help you there."

And she drove on and he watched the flakes of snow falling.

"I feel as if I know him...or knew him...that's the problem with time travel, backwards, forwards...it's hard to place a memory that suddenly comes back but I keep thinking I ought to be able to place this one, in one of my lifetimes I'm going to be very close to the guy."

"Obviously it hasn't happened yet," Kate replied.

"That makes sense," the Doctor said, then he dropped the subject and paused to look back at Katie, who was sleeping soundly in her car seat, and he smiled at her then he looked back to the road, remaining lost in silent thoughts of memories of a man he could not place.

Kate killed the silence by turning on the radio.

As _that_ song began to play, the Doctor stared at the radio:

 _'The jukebox started to play and night time turned into day as we were dancin'  
Closely, all of a sudden I lost control as he held me tight,  
And he kissed me, caressed me, told me he'd die  
Before he would let me out of his arms.  
I was only twenty four hours from Tulsa,  
Only one day away from your arms...'_

The Doctor looked sharply to Kate.

" _That song!"_

"Twenty Four Hours from Tulsa - Dusty Springfield. My Dad had it in his record collection. What of it?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"Seem to keep hearing it a lot, that's all."

The song faded out to static and Kate turned off the radio as they arrived at the medical facility. Then the Doctor forgot all about an old song that wouldn't leave him alone, and thought instead about how much he was dreading seeing Ashildr again...

* * *

 _She looked surprisingly well._

That was the Doctor's first thought as he walked into the room and sat at her bedside.

"Do you know me at all?" he asked her, and as she sat there looking at him, it suddenly hit him how much she reminded him of the girl he had first met in the Viking village – this was her, after all those centuries and everything that had happened to her, all gone, because her memories were gone...

"No, I don't know you at all," she replied.

"I'm the Doctor," he said, "And we knew each other for many years. We go back a very long way. I expect you've been told I'm your child's father?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

"Why what?" he asked.

"I mean, why you?"

He thought back to that day full of anger and the rough sex that made her cry out.

"I don't know," he replied, feeling awkward. He wished he could hug her, but he wasn't a hugger, and hugging her - after the role she had played in Clara's death - just didn't seem like the right thing to do anyway...

But he felt something for her that he couldn't explain. Maybe it was pity. He hoped that he was right about that as he cautiously placed his hand on top of hers and then held it lightly.

"You don't remember me at all?"

She shook her head.

"I've been looking after our daughter," he added, "And I suppose it would only be right that when you leave here, you come and stay with me."

Ashildr looked at him and hesitated with her reply, and in that moment he imagined her leaving and taking the baby with her, and it scared him more than she could ever know.

"I'm going to live with you?" her voice sounded slightly vague, the look in her eyes was not as bright and sharp as it used to be and he knew that was down to the head injury, the tissue that had been grafted in to replace the damage had certainly repaired her, but taken much of the old Ashildr away, and he wasn't sure if he ought to feel relieved or sad about that.

"Yes," he replied, "You and the baby and me are going to live together. I'm going to take care of both of you...if you'll let me."

And he managed a smile.

"Very well," she replied, "I shall do that, Doctor. _Kate said she thinks we will be happy_."

"Does she really," he muttered, and at that moment Kate entered the room.

The Doctor let go of Ashildr's hand and sat there watching as she held her child in her arms for the first time.

"She is beautiful," Ashildr said.

"And she's ours," the Doctor reminded her.

Ashildr looked at him and smiled and again, she reminded him of the girl who had defended her village, the person she had been before he had made the mistake of repairing her with the chip. And in that moment, he suddenly felt a little easier about the thought of the three of them going home as a family.

 _Perhaps it would work out._

 _Only time would tell..._

* * *

A week later, Ashildr came home.

He had showed her around the house, then led her to the spare room, opened the door and said, _This is your room_.

And she had smiled and thanked him, and he had looked at her standing there in her jeans and jumper and looking so twenty first century, as his thoughts had gone back through history and he guessed she would never recall anything about just how long she had lived, and how much change she had seen over the centuries. But at least it seemed to have wiped the slate clean for her, even if he could still remember every detail...

"I'll leave you to rest," he told her.

She ran her fingers through her hair, turned her head towards the closed door of the nursery and then looked at the Doctor.

"I'll go to her if she wakes," she told him.

"Of course you will," he replied, "And I know all about how the graft affects you – you'll get tired and sleep a lot, so if it all gets too much just let me know, I want to help as much as I can, okay? This is an equal partnership."

She nodded and then went into her room and closed the door.

Then the Doctor breathed a relieved sigh:

 _So far, so good,_ he thought, and then he headed off to the bedroom where he kept his Tardis, because he really needed some time to himself in his _real_ home...

* * *

The Doctor had gone into the master bedroom, then opened up the blue box in the corner, stepped inside and loved the sound of the door closing behind him.

 _Now_ he was home...

He went over to the console and ran another check for the weak energy field, and up came the predicted result - it traced back to the Tardis, but the Tardis was clean...

He stood there for a moment looking down at the console as he wondered if he would ever get to the cause of the mystery.

Then he blinked and in his mind, he saw an alien planet and an explosion at a power plant. It was there, and then it was gone, and he thought again of the man whose face had been reconstructed, who looked so unlike he used to look that the Doctor could not begin to guess at his species...

"Who is Del?" he said aloud, still thinking on the question.

And the Tardis lights flickered on, off and on again, and a monitor jumped to life. Another screen came up with a fluctuation in the energy field, and the Doctor looked at it in surprise.

"You can't quite reach me, not properly...something is blocking you...Why is that?" he wondered as he looked about the empty room,"Is it some kind of barrier or block, a time zone problem?"

Nothing replied but the hum of the Tardis.

Then the energy field spiked again.

He looked to the other screen and his eyes widened in surprise as data came up, listing a brief summary of the medical records of a patient who had been cybernetically modified many years and many galaxies away from where he was now. The Doctor read it quickly, knowing that energy spike would soon fall and the information would be lost:

It was pretty condensed, and he was sure who ever had sent it had known that, so he read it all quickly and then as he finished, sure enough, the screen fell dark.

Then he stood there in silence, thinking about all he had read in the medical report: The patient had been involved in an industrial accident, and had undergone extensive reconstructive surgery that had led to other modification too:

 _The external brain had been sealed internally through the neck and into the chest. The larynx had been built in to enable speech, his lower face had been reconstructed at his request to resemble human. Human mouth, human jaw, human teeth implants, human nose. The tentacles had been removed and cheekbones had been augmented to resemble those of a human, and cosmetic surgery had taken care of the rest._

 _It was said that damage caused by the explosion had altered his personality, making him less of the collective and more individual, very free thinking and independent, which was not typical of his species..._

As the Doctor considered all he had read, he started to smile because at last, he knew he was not imagining any of this, and also, one of the pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place. Even his name gave it away:

 _Ood Delta forty-seven._

 _Del to his friends..._

"Okay, I've worked that part out," he said aloud as he stood alone in his Tardis, "So when will the rest be explained to me?"

And no reply came back but the hum of the Tardis and the confirmation that the energy field had continued to stay low once more.

The Doctor gave a heavy sigh, guessing he could be waiting a long time for an answer. Again, it was down to time. This was a waiting game whether he liked it or not, and he had no choice but to play along...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 **Six weeks later:**

" _Sometimes, I dream."_

They had just finished breakfast.

Ashildr had been home for six weeks now, and the Doctor had got used to the fact that he would always be the one feeding Katie when she woke in the night because Ashildr slept so deeply. She sometimes slept in the day time too, and on many occasions he had found himself pulling back from snapping at her because of it.

But they had settled together reasonably well. They shopped together, took the baby out together, and they had meals together - but their conversation never went further than ordinary things, and the Doctor often felt caught between feeling fond of her or simply disliking her - but only because he remembered what she had _not_ done – save Clara...

"I'm not surprised you dream, you sleep so much," he replied, and then he set his coffee down on the table and looked at her. He caught a flash of guilt in her eyes and felt he ought to apologise.

"I didn't mean it like that – I know you need to sleep a lot. Tell me about these dreams you have."

She paused for a moment, and then began to speak:

" _I dream about these people - but I never see their faces. Like a story told by shadows...there's this man, and he watches this woman. He watches her though all of time."_

The Doctor stared at her.

"Go on," he said in a hushed voice.

"And she did some things...bad things.. she killed people. She stole...the older she got, the colder she became...and one day she was like a queen who ruled over others, and she set a trap...it was for him, but she changed her mind and set him free. And I think someone died. He hated her for it. And it caused her pain..."

Ashildr paused, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Why did it cause her pain, do you think maybe she was sorry that someone died?" he asked.

Ashildr shook her head, blinking away tears, "She wanted to save them both and she tried but failed...he hated her for it..."

She gave a sob.

" _Then I see a raven and everything goes dark!"_

For a moment, the Doctor was lost for words as he considered all she had said. Then he got up from his seat, joined her side of the table and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Don't cry," he said softly, "It was just a dream."

She blinked and looked at him with tearful eyes.

" _It never goes away!"_

The Doctor felt his hearts racing as he thought of the possibilities...

"Listen to me," he said carefully, "This is important...you say she tried to save them _both_?"

Ashildr nodded.

"Tell me why she did that."

Her eyes reflected total honesty as she answered without hesitation.

" _Because she loved him."_

The Doctor drew in a breath and let it out very slowly as he felt a surge of emotion run through him that was far more intense than he had wanted or expected. He thought back to the time after Clara's death, when Ashildr had visited him and begged his forgiveness. She had not mentioned trying to save both of them..but why should she, if she had known her attempt to save Clara had failed? She had begged him to forgive her for Clara's death. And he had given her no time to explain, because he had sent her away.

Now all she had were shattered, shadowy memories that played out as if she was watching a story unfold – little realising that story was her own...

"Listen, Ashildr," he said, pausing to take a seat next to her at the table and then shift that seat closer, "Your dreams...I know I said it's just dreams, but I've explained what I am and what my Tardis can do – I showed it to you, a week after you came home I took you into the console room and showed you my ship. I'm just thinking, perhaps this dream _does_ matter. Can you recall anything else about it?"

"Strange creatures," she said quietly, "In a street that looked like very old London...And the man and the woman, they were both there. She saved him, but she could not save her -"

"Okay, just leave it there," he said, "I want you to close your eyes and relax. I can reach inside your mind, I might be able to see what you can see, or help you remember something. I know about the graft, I'll be very careful."

Doubt flickered in her eyes.

"Are you sure this is safe for me?"

"I think so," he replied, "But unfortunately no medical expert on Earth – even one from UNIT – could guess at what _my_ energy poking about inside your head could do. I promise I'll be careful. _Very_ careful."

She looked into his eyes, and then she made her choice and nodded.

"I trust you," she said to him.

"Good," the Doctor replied, and then he carefully reached out and placed his fingertips on her temples.

"Close your eyes."

Ashildr obeyed him, and he carefully reached into her mind, trying to by pass the damage. And that damage was terrible, he could feel it as sure as she had felt the pain of her injuries.

"I'm being very careful," he said softly, "Now tell me, just say what comes to your mind...This dream you keep having... _How did she save him?_ "

Ashildr was half with him and half into a trance as his energy shifted about inside her head, and he felt like he was searching around in dark corners for pieces of broken memory.

"Come on," he said as impatience began to bite at him, "I need to know...try harder..."And he let a little more of that power flow into her mind to seek out what it needed. Ashildr suddenly gave a deep sigh, and as she spoke, she sounded dazed.

"Trickery," she said, and at that moment, even in a trance, she sounded just like the woman he recalled as Mayor of the Trap Street.

"Explain."

" _Illusion,"_ she whispered, _"See what you want to see... Telepathic link...chrono lock...zero...hologram..."_

The Doctor stared at her as his face paled. He had no clue how much power he had just forced through her damaged mind to force out that information, but he kept his fingers to her temples even as she started to shake and her eyes rolled up in her head and she began to weaken.

"Tell me about the illusion!" he demanded.

" _Doctor...captured..."_ she whispered, _"telepathic bypass control..."_

"You activated the teleport and sent a command to divert me to the Tardis?"

"Yes..." she said breathlessly, _"Doctor – Tardis..."_

"And what about Clara?" he said sharply.

She took a few breaths and sweat ran down her face. He knew she was struggling and would most likely recall none of this when he drew back from her, and he also knew he had no place doing this to someone whose mind was so damaged in the first place,but he had to know...

" _TELL ME!"_ he demanded, _"What was the command? What did you do when the chrono lock hit zero? Because you said hologram - now I think that light I saw that glowed inside her wasn't the shade killing her – I think it was a teleport!_ "

She was trembling.

" _Teleport..."_ she murmured.

He pushed a little more power through, seeking out what was left of her memories and dragging them forward, "You said _Doctor – Tardis_ to send me back to the Tardis. _What was the command you used for Clara?_ "

Her breathing sounded shaken as she drew in air and found the words.

" _Clara...Tardis..."_

He let go of her.

She leant back in the chair, breathing hard as she closed her eyes.

" _Clara – Tardis._..." he said as he thought about it, "No, that would have gone wrong because sending her out like that would have pushed her _out_ of this time stream... _Doctor -Tardis_ , yes...I'm _linked_ to my Tardis, that would be perfect...but Clara? _No_. Did you lose her signal? Is that why you said sorry for not saving her? _You lost her in teleport?_ "

Ashildr's body slumped and she tumbled from the chair, hitting the floor hard as she lay on her side and her body trembled with the onset of a seizure.

For what seemed like several terrifying minutes until the seizure stopped, the Doctor was on his knees beside her on the floor as it occurred to him that he wasn't sure what to do, because he had no clue what damage he might have caused. All he did know for sure was that he blamed himself – he had known he was pushing too much power into her mind, just a fraction too much because he had needed answers...

" _I'm sorry."_

Ashildr heard his whispered words as he lowered her to the bed and she felt the pillow soft beneath her head and opened her eyes.

She looked up at him as he sat on the edge of the bed and wondered why his eyes looked tearful.

"What happened?"

"I...No, I won't lie. It _was_ my fault. I tried to help you remember something and I think what I did was too much for your mind because of the damage. Do you feel okay now?"

"I think so..."

She still sounded slightly dazed, and that worried him.

"As soon as you feel stronger I'm going to take you into the Tardis and scan you, I have to be sure I haven't harmed you...I couldn't forgive myself if I have."

He was looking at her differently, no trace of distance nor that sometimes coldness she saw in his gaze.

"I'm going to tell you the truth," he said in a hushed voice, "Those dreams - they're not dreams. _It's about you, it's about all the years you've lived on the Earth._ You were injured defending your village in the days of the Vikings, and I used an alien chip to repair your damage. I restored your life. But you became bitter, you thought of being eternal as a curse because of all those you left behind."

"I know the chip is gone," she said quietly, "But I didn't remember why it was inside me."

"You lived so long you forgot so many lifetimes and the people you had known...you wrote journals to help you remember."

"This shouldn't make sense but it feels right," she told him, "It feels like the truth."

The look in the Doctor's eyes softened as he met her gaze.

"And I know you saved me. You did it because you love me."

Ashildr smiled as she took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"I think I knew that from the moment you walked in and said you were Katie's father," she told him, "But I didn't want to say how I felt because I couldn't remember properly."

The Doctor's smile faded.

"Well I remember everything, and I'm sorry."

He hesitated, then leant closer and kissed her.

Then a cry sounded through the baby monitor, and they broke off from their kiss, and they both smiled as their eyes met.

"I'll go, she's due a feed," the Doctor said, "You get some rest, I'll be back soon."

* * *

After taking care of Katie, who needed changing and feeding, the Doctor walked up and down the nursery floor until his daughter was sleeping in his arms, and then he put her back to bed, and quietly left the nursery.

When he returned to the bedroom Ashildr was sitting up, and when she got off the bed and joined him at the Tardis door he felt relieved to see she appeared unharmed.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Bruised," she replied, "But I'll be okay."

"Well I want to make sure about that," he told her,"I won't be sure until the Tardis scans you."

"Then we should do that now," she told him, "To stop you worrying."

And she smiled as she looked up at him, their eyes met and he smiled back at her, then turned away and led her into the Tardis as he partly wished she would _not_ look at him so warmly – that kiss they had shared before their crying child had separated them had certainly brought her closer to him, and by the look in her eyes she wanted to take it further. It seemed ironic after the way he had taken her so roughly before, that now they had grown closer he was feeling awkward about taking her in his arms for a second time:

She was mortal now, as fragile as any other human now she no longer had the chip. And it had been just over two months since she had given birth by C-section, whilst deeply unconscious because of that terrible accident that had almost killed her...

And of course, his own change of heart had come into this too – after finding out she had tried to save Clara, and knowing she had saved him because she loved him, made him feel so much warmer towards her. And she was now the mother of his child, who he was seeing in a very different light...

 _He didn't hate her anymore._

 _Instead, he wanted to protect her..._

"Almost done," he said as she stood beside him and the light passed over her body.

As he read the results he breathed a relieved sigh.

"You're absolutely fine."

"I knew that as soon as I got up," she told him.

As their eyes met, she stepped closer and smiled as she ran her hand over the fabric of his velvet jacket.

"That kiss..."

"Was very nice and I think we should be careful, Ashildr. It wasn't so long ago you had the accident. I'm _very_ aware of that."

"And I'm well now."

"As well as you'll ever be, yes," he replied as he chose his words carefully, "But it has affected you and always will, and I just want to wait."

She ran her hands up the lapels of his jacket, and the feel of her closeness made him ache for her. If she pressed against him any harder she would find out just how much he wanted her, because he was solidly erect now...

The Doctor leant a little closer and kissed her again, then he stepped back.

"Soon," he promised her, "Very soon. And before any more is said about us, I need to apologise to you for my behaviour."

Confusion clouded her eyes.

"There is nothing to apologise for-"

"There is," he replied,"I've been angry with you, I've been distant...that changes now. I promise you will see a very different side to me from now on."

And he paused to take hold of her hands, and felt suddenly shy as he looked back into her gaze.

"I _am_ in love with you," he confided, "I'm not sure when it happened, but I am, and I'll prove it to you. We just need time. And there's one more thing, Ashildr - about what I did today, I didn't mean to cause a seizure. I went a little too far and although it gave us answers, I do regret the way it affected you. And... _please_ don't say a word of it to Kate."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because she seems to think I have this unresolved anger towards you over what happened to Clara. But she only had part of the story, so did I until today."

Ashildr felt a flicker of unease.

"Kate had reason to think you meant me harm?"

"I kept away from you when you needed me. I avoided you. I didn't exactly come across as caring. I regret that, by the way."

"I find it hard to believe you ever could have wished me harm,"she told him.

" _I didn't!"_ the Doctor realised he had said that a little too defensively, "I...I mean there was a time, before I knew the truth -"

"And now we both know the truth," she replied, and as her hand connected with his and held it tightly, she felt him tremble.

"Take me to bed, Doctor," she said softly.

He was looking away from her because he had a hard on that was becoming painful and he knew what he wanted to do about it...

But she had said, she tried to save Clara.

What if she _had_ saved her and didn't know it?

 _Clara could still be out there somewhere, still alive in another time and place, but lost to him..._

 _No._

 _He pushed those thoughts aside._

Clara was dead - and Ashildr was still alive and they had a future now, and he had to think about that. He was sure he was only holding back from her because of what she had been through – it couldn't be anything else, because Clara was dead.

 _He had to stop thinking about Clara._

"Maybe we _should_ take the next step now," he said to Ashildr, and then he led her from the Tardis and out into the bedroom, where he stood for a moment looking into her eyes. She didn't reach for him first, because she knew how he was with embraces.

"I'm waiting," she said softly.

And as he he looked into her eyes, warmth shone in his gaze and he reached for her and kissed her, and held her close enough to know there would be no turning back from this choice...

* * *

After a few awkward moments as Ashildr took off her clothing with ease and he made a clumsy attempt at stripping off his clothing quickly, which made her giggle, he finally left his clothing in a heap on the floor and joined her in bed.

As she turned on her side and took him in her arms, he let her take the lead as he slid his arms around her, and then she was warm and close, her skin against his, and all his nervousness melted away as she kissed him and that kiss became deep and lingering as she ran her hands over his chest and then one slid around to stroke his lower back whilst the other went straight between his legs, stroking at his hardness, making him catch his breath.

"No, slow down!" he gasped, "It's been a _long_ time for me...a _very_ long time since I've -"

"But we did this before," she said, "It must have been like this?"

And he held her tighter as he rolled her on to her back and her legs parted as she caught her breath.

" _It wasn't like this,"_ he whispered, _"Back then I didn't know I loved you."_

And he covered her mouth with a kiss to silence her questions, at the same time pushing gently into her, deep inside and then as she clung to him and he moved gently and her breathing grew heavy as his hearts beat harder, he moved harder against her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and held on tighter, gasping for air as he thrust into her with impatience as his need to come took over.

He throbbed hot and fast inside her, and then collapsed damp with sweat into her arms, and suddenly he _wanted_ to embrace her, he wanted to hold her and stay warm in her embrace forever, and the thought of spending his life hugging her and being close to her and sharing a bed with her seemed a wonderful idea.

For the first time in a long, long while, the Doctor felt happy because everything felt right in his life.

As he lay beside her, he ran his fingers through her hair and pushed it off her face as he looked into her eyes, and then he smiled.

"You know what, Ashildr?" he said softly, "I think we're going to be okay. I really think this is going to work out."

"So do I," she replied, and then they lay together, warm and contented, as the Doctor thought of the future and felt sure that this time, everything was going to work out just fine. But as he lay beside her and closed his eyes, and saw again that paper with the vanishing words _seven years,_ he wondered what it meant - but pushed it aside, wanting only to be and happy and to _stay_ happy – at least, for as long as time would allow...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The time passed by easily and Christmas came and went, then New Year, and by then, the Doctor had come to the conclusion that he had been right about Ashildr – they _did_ belong together.

He had never felt so contented, and he knew his baby daughter had as much to do with that happiness as his love for her mother did. This was not the way he had expected life to turn out, but he was happy enough with the result...

The Tardis had continued to detect a weak energy field, and on occasion, he had been haunted by _that song_ , but apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

That all changed one evening as the Doctor relaxed in front of the TV, there was not much on the many channels that interested him, but it was warm in the front room as the fire blazed in the hearth, and the sofa was soft and dinner had been great and now Ashildr was upstairs getting Katie off to bed, he decided to take one more look through the channels before grabbing some sleep.

 _And that was when the TV remote stopped working_.

The Doctor glanced down at it, making a note to get some batteries tomorrow.

Then he looked to the screen as an old black and white movie began.

 _Forgive Me,_ the title read.

Then more words came up,words that made him sit up and take notice:

 _I'm sorry, Doctor._

"What?" he said, and he got up and stood over the TV, waiting for the screen to feed him more information.

"Sorry?" he said aloud, "What for? Forgive you? _Who_ am I forgiving?"

The credits faded out, and what began as a black and white movie that showed an old fashioned railway station soon changed, when a woman turned away from others who she had been talking to and looked into the camera.

"The 20.15 train was cancelled," she said, "And I was _so_ close to going home. .."

The Doctor studied her closely:

He didn't know her, the image could have been taken from any number of old black and white movies, her coat and hat and make up were in the style of the nineteen forties, obviously someone had taken footage from an old movie and manipulated it...

The woman turned and began to walk down the platform,and as she walked, the camera faced her as she continued to speak:

"I had every intention of going home," she said, "And then something changed. We think we control our own hearts and destinies, but we don't. The 20.15 was cancelled and I was stranded and then..."

She paused, looking up the platform as in the distance, a man stood obscured by the haze of steam as a train arrived on the other platform. She smiled as she walked towards him.

" _This is the face and voice of an actress who starred in a movie in 1947,"_ she said, and suddenly her gaze intensified as she stopped walking and looked intently through the screen.

" _But MY words. I was so close, but so far away and then everything changed. In a second, a glance,a heartbeat... Be patient. It will make sense one day."_

The Doctors twin hearts were racing.

He already knew who these words belonged to...

"Don't wait for me," the woman said, "Because I can't, not now or ever."

" _Clara?"_ he said in a hushed voice.

The woman on the screen smiled.

"These things take time," she added, "One day, it _will_ make sense. Goodbye Doctor."

And then she walked on into the haze of mist, took the hand of the man who was obscured by it, and they walked off together, until the haze swallowed them up. Then the movie switched to a scene in a cafe, and it was just a movie once more...

The Doctor was still staring at the screen as he thought about what had been said:

2015...the _year_ 2015...

"Is something wrong?"

Ashildr had just walked back into the room.

He turned and looked at her, she caught his expression and her own eyes widened.

"What's happened?"

"I think I just got a message...from somewhere...I think it was from Clara."

Ashildr felt a jolt inside as she thought of how he had only just let go of the past, and worry clouded her gaze.

"Doctor, we're happy! You said Clara was dead, you said I couldn't save her, that she was lost in teleport-"

"But she could have ended up anywhere in time and space! I'm thinking..."

He paced the floor and sharply turned back, his mind racing as he started to work it out:

"I realise you recall little more than a shadowy dream and this will make no sense to you now, but the quantum shade...the chrono lock...time...teleport..."

He ran his fingers through his hair, paced the floor again and turned back to her.

"If she can't get back to the year she came from - 2015 – that means she was thrown out of time and bounced back in - and the quantum shade would have left a trace on her - not enough for the shade to seek her out, because time would have erased the number from her neck - but it would mean,even if she had any kind of access to time travel in what ever time she was sent to, it would take a long time for that effect to wear off. No time manipulation device would be able to take her within seven years of her past or present. She would have been stuck, I'm guessing, somewhere in the future, or she wouldn't be able to reach me like this... _Now_ I get it!"

He blinked, then looked at Ashildr in surprise.

"She couldn't get back until the trace wore off. My calculation makes that around seven years. And I think..." He paused, recalling the song that had haunted him, "Remember at Christmas when I asked you if you could hear music and you said you couldn't hear it?"

Ashildr nodded.

"What of it?" she asked.

"I've been hearing that song ever since I came to this house...ever since I came into contact with the energy field. Twenty four hours from Tulsa. Its a story, there's a story in the song. It's about a woman who was on her way home and then she met someone...and she's sending a message back to say she can never go home again because she fell in love."

And as he fought to hold back tears that would have hurt the mother of his child, he wished he could switch off from the way his heart had ached at the thought of it.

"Clara survived, Ashildr. I don't know where or when she went to, but she has access to a means of time travel so it has to be in the distant future...and I think she met someone and they fell in love."

"Then at least she is as happy as we are," Ashildr replied, and as she stepped closer and embraced him, even though embraces were much easier to give and take these days since they had grown so much closer, the Doctor remembered why he had never trusted a hug as he held her, as while she could not see his face, pain reflected in his eyes as he thought of Clara, lost to him forever...

* * *

After the incident with the TV, the Doctor said no more on Clara.

He often thought about her, but then realised he was thinking too much,and instead concentrated on his original plan - to be happy with Ashildr and their new family. That weakened energy field showed no signs of dropping as the weeks passed by, and by the time the spring had come around, he had drawn the conclusion that what ever had caused it would always be present. But the music had stopped, the messages had stopped, and now, life was peaceful.

 _Then something new began to happen._

It started on a spring morning when Ashildr had gone out with Katie to the park, where she was meeting Kate, who loved to be called _Auntie Kate_ and doted on the little girl and saw her as often as her busy working schedule would allow.

The Doctor had been alone in the house, and so had gone into his Tardis, where he taken a walk up the corridor to his bedroom,opened the door and looked inside, seeing his own room, but remembering the other room he had seen during that memory flash...

He looked at the door, and saw there was no lock. That had been there and gone, a brief glimpse a memory he could not place...

He thought again of the silks that had hung about the bed, the heady scent of the alien aphrodisiac that had hung in the air, and as he thought about it, he realised what he had seen had been _here_ , in the Tardis.

 _But not his Tardis._

 _The Tardis of another Doctor, a future Doctor he was yet to become..._

It had to be from the future, because if he had recalled this relationship with the heavily modified Ood in a previous life, he was sure that would have happened a long time ago – the memories would have slowly drifted back to him as the ripples of time caught up.

But now he understood the energy field, he got it completely:

 _He was being fed this information because of the energy field, it was drawing in glimpses of a future life..._

Obviously the field had been set up to relay Clara's message about her own outcome, and the visions he saw of a future life were simply being pulled to him because of it, attracting them like a magnet...starting with major traumatic events, like the death of the one he had said he loved...

 _Had he meant Del?_

Had Del died and that moment of grief had been so strong that he had felt it, fed back to him from the future thanks to the energy field? If it was being fed back that would explain why he had received the data on Del's medical history, explaining his heavy modification.

The Doctor watched on the monitor as the energy field remained low, and then he walked away from the console.

As he heard the spike in power register on the monitor he was unable to turn back, and he grabbed at the open doorway, caught in a flash of light that set him in another time and place, looking through the eyes of the Doctor, another Doctor, a man he was yet to become...

* * *

This time, the Doctor decided he would take in every detail of everything he saw, and he hoped at some point there would be a reflective surface, so he could see what his future self looked like, too...He had seconds before he felt stuck in there, dream-like, as the visions started to switch:

He was standing in a console room that looked a little smaller than its current status. The walls were dark and metallic, the console was polished chrome and within it glowed a slender column of shimmering power, silver to match the theme. The controls were set into the console neatly, it was compact and above it, two large dials rotated left and right, studded with tiny diamonds.

He looked down at his clothing:

Dark suit with a dark red shirt decorated with elaborate Gallifreyan swirls in metallic orange. Over this he wore a long, dark winter coat - and then he could control no more as the scene moved on and he was no longer alone in the console room.

 _"Would now be a good time to share my thoughts with you, Doctor?"_

The voice that had spoken had a soft, silken tone about it, and he turned to see a man standing beside him who could only be Del, the modified Ood:

He wore a dark suit with velvet lapels, his shoes were leather and polished to a high shine, and he carried the scent of an expensive designer cologne about him. He looked part Ood, but the lower half of his face was definitely remodeled as human. There was a sparkle about this eyes and he smiled showing perfect, very human looking teeth,He had a charming smile and the Doctor smiled back at him.

"At last! I've been waiting for you to say something, I knew you had something on your mind. Why the hesitation, Del?" he asked, and stepped closer to him.

Del blinked, and then gave a sigh.

"I can not help but wish to please those I love as much as myself. But...I should very much desire an additional modification...an injection of dye into the irises...to give the shade of my eyes a touch of the sky...blue, like yourself."

"No," the Doctor said firmly, "This has to _stop_ ,Del! We met because of a distress call asking me to take an injured man to a far away place for treatment, an Ood whose face had been partly blown off in an industrial accident! The fifteen procedures you had to save your life were necessary. All the rest have been cosmetic! _Why are you trying to look human?_ Why would you want to, humans enslaved your kind! That's the reason your heart can't take much more anesthesia! You were raised in the days of the slave trade, bred like cattle in poor conditions. That weakness inside you is the legacy of that, what _humans_ did to you! _Why_ would you want to look like one of them?"

The look in Del's eyes softened.

"Not human," he confided, "But Time Lord. I wish to resemble _your_ race, Doctor."

"No!" he told him sharply, "No more of this, Del! You'll kill yourself, is this fair on me, or on her? We _both_ love you!"

Del paused for thought.

"Purely to please you, I will refrain from another procedure," he replied, _"For now."_

And then he kissed the Doctor's cheek and walked out of the console room...

 _The scene switched to the bedroom._

The heady scent of that alien aphrodisiac was in the air as smoke rose from the burner.

A woman parted her legs, she was already swollen and her tender flesh deep red from oral sex that had left her open and exposed.

The sight of her was so arousing that as he kissed her there and she gave a moan and her body trembled, he wanted to possess her, to take her hard because she loved that - but Del was already taking care of _him,_ so instead he carried on kissing her down there, stroking her thighs and then, as Del took him deeper into his mouth, the Doctor kept his mouth on her, kissing her, breathing against her, as Del sucked him harder. Then he cried out against her as orgasm flooded his body and her hands tangled in his hair as she came too, thrusting her body hard against him as she moaned and shuddered. Then the three of them were resting together, warm and exhausted but contented...

 _Another scene flashed to mind:_

He shoved Del in anger and he hit the wall hard, he saw anger in the eyes of the modified Ood, who paused to brush down his designer suit, and then he glared at him.

"You can't stop me, Doctor! Yes,I am Ood, but I am _also_ an individual! It does not matter that happened by accident - I _enjoy_ being individual and my desire to further modify myself is my _own_! I _want_ to change my eyes! Please, consider my needs – as an Ood I shall always consider yours, and this is causing me pain...I am caught between my own choices and my natural desire for the approval of those I love and wish to serve!"

 _"I just want you to stop killing yourself,"_ the Doctor said as emotion choked his voice,and then he placed his hand on Del's cheek and blinked away tears as he met his gaze, and Del leant in and they shared a tender kiss.

The Doctor blinked.

 _It was all gone._

He was back in his own time and place, at the house, about to step out of the Tardis and go into the main bedroom.

He paused to take a breath, and then he left the Tardis, went over to the bed and sat down, deep in thought as he considered all he had seen:

He had seen through the eyes of the Doctor in a future lifetime - a future version of himself, who would, at some point, be involved in a three way relationship with a woman (who he assumed from what little he had seen) was human, and a modified Ood called Del who, by what he had gathered, had turned into something of an addict when it came to cosmetic procedures, which was very bad news, because Del had been born in the days of the slave trade and raised in terrible conditions - the reason for his heart trouble. That alone would be reason for his future self to beg him to stop his addiction, but Del had been determined to take it further, to reshape himself until he liked what he saw when he looked in the mirror - when he saw his reflection and the face of a Time Lord looked back at him...

It was strange, but that energy field pulling in glimpses of this future life was not such a bad thing when he thought about it - he was even feeling immensely attached to Del, who he knew, in another lifetime, he would love deeply.

 _That field was still fluctuating._

He heard the Tardis pick up the power spike and this time he was ready, and he closed his eyes as the world flashed white, and once again he was seeing through the eyes of himself in another lifetime:

He was sitting alone, fully clothed on top of the bed that was draped in fine silks. Del came in with a tray and set it down next to the bed.

"Your tea, Doctor," he said, and smiled warmly.

The Doctor smiled back at him.

"You know I only let you serve me because it makes you happy?"

"Of course," Del replied, as he opened up the wardrobe and ran his hand over a selection of ties,"Which one today?"

The Doctor sipped his tea.

 _"The one with you on it."_

Del glanced at him.

"The sun moon and stars," the Doctor added as his voice softened,"That's what you _both_ mean to me."

Then the Doctor got up, took the tie from Del and put it on, standing in front of the mirror as he glanced to his alien lover.

"I mean it, Del. You'll never know how much I love you."

"I know you love my lasagne," Del replied, "And my dancing."

"And your jokes," the Doctor added.

Del smiled.

"So, are we ready to leave? Our wife is waiting for us."

The Doctor's gaze lingered on him, and then he leant closer and stole a kiss.

"I'm ready now," he said warmly, and then as an after thought, the Doctor turned back to the mirror to check his tie. He looked at his reflection, straightened his tie, ran his hand over his light brown hair, and then walked away.

 _And the Doctor blinked, and the vision was gone...  
_

* * *

A few moments passed by in silence, and then he heard the front door close, heard Ashildr take Katie upstairs to the nursery, but he had not left the bedroom. Instead the Doctor had stood at the window looking out on to an ordinary street in twenty first century Earth as he turned over all he had learned:

He was being fed memories from the future, and suddenly he wasn't sure if that was an accidental result of the energy field, or if it had been deliberate, because although the two seemed separate he wondered, were they linked?

 _It was clear his future self and Del were in a three way marriage with a woman._

 _Was that woman Clara Oswald?_

He couldn't let go of that thought.

Nor could he let go of the fact that he had been surprised to recognise the face of this future Doctor – another face remembered from his Tenth life. He wondered why he had chosen this face for a future regeneration... _Maybe something to do with acts of courage being nothing to do with a name, it was the deed that mattered..._

All he knew for sure was that in this future lifetime, he certainly had a colourful sex life, with a husband _and_ a wife and potent alien aphrodisiacs on the burner in a silk draped bedroom. _And that was all he knew for sure - apart from the fact that this colourful future version of himself had the face of a man he once known a couple of lifetimes ago, a man named Jackson Lake..._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Doctor? What are you doing in here?"

As Ashildr walked into the Tardis and saw him standing at the console deep in thought, she wondered if she had really needed to ask that question.

The fear was in her heart that he would turn his thoughts back to Clara , back to the past...What chance would they stand of staying together if he kept on looking back?

He turned to her, looked into her eyes, and as he answered, felt the need to apologise first.

 _"I've been thinking about a lot of things and I'm sorry if you feel shut out. You're not shut out and never will be. And I'm not going to change my mind about us. Never feel insecure about Clara, never imagine for one moment I would turn my back on you and our child and throw away the wonderful life we have together."_

His words had stunned her.

"I know you can read minds, Doctor. Don't do that to me again, I don't like it."

"I wasn't," he replied, "I don't need to do that. I'm so close to you I feel what you feel anyway. And you need to know I love you because I think sometimes you fear you'll lose me. You won't."

Ashildr looked at him intently.

"Now you've got that out of the way," she said, "I'd like to know what this is about."

"Many things," he replied, and he gathered his thoughts and began to explain:

"The energy field - I've located its source. When I say located, I mean I've worked it out. It's coming from the Tardis, but not this one. A future version of the Tardis that was once in this house, I would imagine, for around a year, long enough to embed a powerful signal into the walls, a signal that my Tardis would one day pick up on. It was put there by a future Doctor so that Clara could send a message back to tell me she was still alive. I'm also being fed information - memories from the future – the link is doing that...I think you saved her but sent her back to _a_ Tardis, but not this one. And she couldn't get back here, not for several years. By then she had fallen in love with someone and decided to stay with him. _With me. A future version of me_."

"Why would you think that?" she said in a hushed voice, "Is it a logical conclusion, or wishful thinking?"

The Doctor forced a brief smile as he held back anger he knew was rising - anger that she did not deserve, not any more...

"Ashildr, I just told you how much you mean to me. It's _not_ wishful thinking! The link was set up by a future version of myself to explain. But I'm seeing more than I was intended to see. I'm even seeing future events in his life, out of sequence. Highly _emotional_ moments."

Ashildr raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I'm sure I can guess what moments _you_ would have tuned into!"

And a sharp spike of anger rose in him as the memory feedback from his future self came to him sharply, and he recalled kneeling in the snow, weeping and feeling broken.

"Don't push me, please," he said in a low voice, "It's not _just_ about Clara. It's about a man named Del... a heavily modified Ood. I can remember his death and how it will shatter me!"

Ashildr had seen his anger before, but this time she saw it was born out of sadness over something that was yet to be.

 _"An Ood?"_

He gave a heavy sigh.

"There was a time when you would have known virtually every race of alien species on sight because of your long life and your travels...the Ood were a slave race. I helped to liberate them many years ago in an earlier lifetime. And at some point in a future lifetime..."

He paused, feeling awkward.

"Go on," Ashildr said kindly, noticing his unease,"Why are you finding this so difficult to explain? It hadn't even happened yet!"

The Doctor forced the words out.

"It's like this...in a lifetime that's yet to be, I'm married to Clara..."

He paused again, and she noticed he was blushing.

Ashildr started to smile.

"I'm not sure where this is going, but you _can_ tell me!"

He ran his fingers through his hair.

"It's not easy for me to explain, given that as you know, generally speaking, I'm not even a hugger. But, in a future lifetime I'm very...affectionate. _So affectionate that I'm in a three way marriage with Clara and a male, heavily modified Ood named Del._ And as for the memories I'm getting, don't even _think_ that it's turning me on...I can just about cope with holding you, being close to one person is quite enough for me! In this other regeneration I'm sleeping in a bed with _two_ other people!"

Ashildr laughed softly.

"It's not funny!" the Doctor exclaimed, "Every time I see though his eyes, he's kissing, touching...hugging...fucking! I see and feel what _he_ does! _I kissed an Ood and I liked it!_ "

Ashildr laughed again. As she looked at him and remembered _exactly_ how the Doctor was with shows of affection, she understood completely she had no worries over how he might feel about that memory feed...

"It's not funny!" the Doctor exclaimed, "I even caught a moment when he was in bed with my future self... _sucking him off_! Not exactly _my_ kind of thing!"

Ashildr laughed again, and then she saw the look in his eyes, and she stopped, but amusement still danced in her gaze.

"So this feed is coming back to you and showing you more than you should be seeing?"

He nodded.

Then the monitor showed a spike in the energy field and he leant heavily on the console as he blinked and caught his breath as Ashildr looked on in alarm.

"Doctor?" she said, but he could not hear her, he was seeing another glimpse of the future:

He was seeing through the eyes of the future regeneration who wore the face of Jackson Lake.

 _And Clara was beside him._

The snow was falling and they stood wrapped up in thick winter coats, the Tardis glowed behind them, its light warm and welcoming against the snowy night sky.

The Ood were gathered around them, and their leader stepped forward.

"All Ood are one," he said kindly, "Even the one who wandered far from home and chose to be set apart from us is still a part of us. We celebrate his life and his adventures beyond the home planet with a song. The song of Ood Del will never end. It shall be eternal."

And as the snow fell thicker, tears blinded the Doctor's eyes as Clara reached for his hand.

He looked at her and saw her eyes were filled with tears, too.

"Come on," she said to him, "Keep it together, Doctor. We haven't lost him yet."

"But we will," he replied as emotion choked his voice, "Clara, I can't lose him...I can't do this..."

"We don't have a choice," she said to him, "We just have to get through this, he needs us."

And the scene moved on:

He fell to his knees in the snow, feeling broken in half by the grief of losing Del.

As he sobbed, Clara joined him, wrapping her arms around him as he openly wept and she rocked him in her arms...

He blinked again, and it was gone...

* * *

" _You're crying,"_ Ashildr said.

The Doctor raised a shaking hand and wiped tears from his face, then looked into the eyes of the mother of his child, and reminded himself that none what he had seen had yet come to pass.

"I saw it again...Del's death. He went back to his home planet to die...Clara was with me...I mean him, the future me. He looks like a man I used to know long ago named Jackson Lake. And she hasn't changed, she's just as strong as I remember...good thing, I'm a _very_ emotional man in that lifetime. He felt like the grief was going to kill him."

"Maybe we should break the link," Ashildr suggested, "Can we? Can you break it somehow?I could help you if you told me what to do -"

" _No!"_

"Why not?"

"Because it was set up for a reason. I think we should wait and see why I'm still getting this feedback."

He had shrugged off the feelings of grief now, and was firmly back here and now in his own timeline.

"Okay," she replied, "But listen, Doctor..."

She paused to take hold of his hands as she looked into his eyes.

"If it gets too much, talk to me about it – I know I sleep a lot these days and sometimes I forget things, I know it sometimes irritates you -"

"That was because of the accident, and I don't blame you for it."

"I know that, but I also know _you_ , Doctor. Don't keep it inside, I love you and I want to help."

As he looked at her, he felt his twin hearts warm through with love.

"I'll try and do that," he promised her, and then he let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a brief but tight hug.

"Where would I be without you?" he said, and as he let go of her, something terrible hit him:

 _Ashildr was no longer immortal._

 _The chip was gone._

 _She only had one lifetime and one day, he would lose her..._

* * *

As they left the Tardis and the Doctor closed the door, he paused for a moment, then turned to Ashildr as a haunted look reflected in his eyes.

" _I still have it."_

"Have what?" she asked.

"The Mire chip that was removed after the accident. It takes seconds to put back. You could live on forever, with me I'd never have to lose you."

She stared at him.

"But I remember the dreams, so much of it was bad..."

"No, not now - you're with me!"

Ashildr hesitated.

"Sometimes when I look at Katie I get this horrible feeling that I know what it feels like to lose my children," she said in a hushed voice, "Did I, Doctor? Did my babies die before?"

"Yes," he told her honestly, "In medieval England, hardly surprising given the times. But this is the twenty first century and you have no need to fear losing our daughter."

But fear still reflected in her eyes.

"If the chip goes back, might I start to regain some of my memories?"

"Possibly. I wouldn't imagine you could get them all back, because of the graft – but it could improve on what still remains."

"No," she said firmly, "I don't want that chip back. Not if it means I might recall every detail of my children dying. When I look at Katie I can't bear to even imagine it...so no, I don't want it back."

"But we could be together forever," he said again.

Determination burned in her eyes, a strength that reminded him of the woman she used to be, the one who had been eternal.

"No Doctor," she replied, "I don't want it. I just want to be me, here with you in this lifetime, and I want us to be happy."

He stared at her.

"You said, I just want to be _Me_."

She shrugged.

"What of it?

"Nothing at all," he replied, and as he thought of how the events on the Trap Street had cost him Clara, he silently decided although he hated the idea of losing her one day, Ashildr was right - she _would_ be happier without the chip inside her, and without all the memories that could come back to haunt her...

* * *

 _Time moved on._

And although the energy field remained, no more echoes carried down from the future, and as the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years, the house seemed to settle peacefully, much like their lives.

The Doctor and Ashildr raised their child together and stayed deeply in love, and for the first time in many long years, he felt contentment.

He kept the Mire chip safely in the Tardis, hoping that one day Ashildr would change her mind and agree to take it back, but she remained determined to stay safe from the memories she had only ever glimpsed in shadowy dreams.

Katie was a bright and lively child with eyes of light blue like her father and dark hair that fell to her shoulders, the same shade as her mother's. And she enjoyed school and a lot of friends and enjoyed visiting her Aunt Kate in the school holidays. The Doctor was proud of his daughter, and he tolerated her slightly strange habit of talking to herself as part of her unique and very special half human DNA – although Ashildr had laughed when he had said that, reminding him that he was rather _unique_ too...

But Katie didn't _just_ talk to herself.

She had invented an invisible friend called Isshy, an invisible playmate who she had been talking to since she was four years old...

The Doctor guessed eventually it would stop, and Ashildr found it amusing that he found it to be a subject he preferred her not to mention in the company of others. He guessed it was down to Katie's imagination – which was very bright. But apart from her imaginary friend, Katie was like any other seven year old.

Seven years had passed by, and in all that time, as life had moved on and the Doctor had been happily contented with his family, he had forgotten all about the significance of that message he had found in the clock, until the energy field that had stayed low for so long began to spike again...

* * *

When it happened, it was almost three in the morning, Ashildr was beside him sleeping deeply, and he had been close to her, his arm around her as they lay together beneath cool sheets, then he heard the energy spike sound on the monitor. He got out of bed, glanced at Ashildr, saw she was sleeping deeply and guessed he could have taken off in the Tardis and been back before morning, and even the sound of the ship leaving wouldn't have stirred her, because she would always tire easily and sleep so very deeply...

No flashes of visions came to him as the Doctor quickly dressed in the dark, then he hurried to the Tardis, opening the door and closing it quickly and softly behind him as he hurried over to the console.

Then it hit him:

" _Seven years..."_ he said as he tried again to trace the signal, hoping something would become clear, a route to the other Tardis, even perhaps a live communications link this time...

 _But there was nothing._

 _It had been so long, too long since he had heard that sound, and he had expected to be hit with another echo and, although he hated to admit it, another precious glimpse of Clara. He knew she was happy and he was glad of it, but he was hungry for more of these memories of the man he would one day regenerate into, the man with the face of Jackson Lake, who would win the heart of Clara Oswald..._

* * *

The Doctor waited.

"Come on...I heard it!" he said aloud, and he stood there at the console, his hands resting on it, his eyes fixed to the wall.

Then as if time had heard him, he got his answer in a flash of light:

The future Doctor with the face of Jackson Lake was in his Tardis setting a flight plan.

There was a shimmer, and then it faded, and there she was...

He stared at her.

She stared at him.

 _"Clara?"_ he said as he looked at her in utter shock.

She was still staring.

"Where's the Doctor?"

Then she looked around.

"Why does this place look different?"

He felt both his hearts miss a beat as he blinked away tears.

 _"You're doing it again, Clara,"_ he said softly, _"You're not seeing me!"_

And she had walked up to him, looked at him, closely. Then she had looked into his eyes, and as surprise had registered, joy had filled his eyes.

"I've missed you!" he exclaimed, and threw his arms around her.

 _The scene moved on:_

"So... you're a future Doctor?" she said.

"Yes, I am," he replied, "And for what it's worth, this time around, I'm a hugger," and he smiled, "And I always wanted to tell you I loved you, did you know that?"

Clara had stared at him again.

"Better late than never," she said quickly, and then turned around and lifted her hair away from her neck.

"Is there a number?"

"No because time has erased it," he replied, "But you still carry a trace about you...it means you can't go home, not yet...not until it wears off. I'm afraid you're stuck here for a while."

"Stuck here?" said a silken voice, "What could be wrong with that, you'll be in the best company in the universe. By that I mean mine - you'll just have to tolerate _him_ ," and he looked playfully to the Doctor and smiled.

And Clara turned and surprise registered on her face as an alien man walked into the room, he wore a dark suit and expensive cologne, and as he joined them, he kissed her hand in greeting.

"This is Del," the Doctor said, "He may not look like it, but he's actually an Ood. _And this is going to take some explaining, but he's also my husband._.."

* * *

The light flashed and the scene faded away.

The Doctor stood alone in the Tardis, wishing he had been able to see more.

But that change in the energy field had dropped again.

It _would_ spike once more, he knew it...and if he had to wait years, he would wait.

He needed to know everything - and as he left the Tardis and went back into the darkened bedroom, he felt sure that soon he would, he felt it in his bones as he sat down on the bed and looked out the window to the starlit sky:

 _Seven years, the message on the psychic paper had said._

 _Those seven years were up._

 _Something was going to happen, and soon..._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

In the morning, the Doctor stayed silent about all he had seen when the energy field had spiked. He was up before his daughter, who came down stairs in her school uniform with her book bag and sat down at the table and helped her self to milk and cereal.

The Doctor finished his third cup of coffee and felt thankful Time Lords didn't suffer quite so much as humans when it came to lack of sleep - not that Ashildr needed to worry about that, the legacy of her accident meant she often slept in until almost ten in the morning.

"I'm walking you to school today," he said to his daughter.

"Okay Dad," she replied, and continued to eat the cereal, pausing only to pour herself a glass of milk.

"Do you still talk to that invisible friend of yours?" he asked her thoughtfully.

She stopped eating and looked across the table at him.

" _Isshy is real."_

He smiled.

"Of course she is. But...don't talk about her at school."

"No, I won't," she replied, "She asked me not to."

The Doctor looked at his daughter intently.

"Why would she do that?"

" _Because my friends would want to meet her,and she said they're not ready."_

Suddenly all notion that Isshy was imaginary was gone.

"Why would they not be ready?"

Katie smiled.

"Daddy," she said, "You're not ready yet. But you will be soon."

Suddenly the Doctor felt very worried for his daughter as he considered the location of the Tardis, linked to the energy field..What if something _else_ had been attracted to it - something not so friendly?

The Doctor looked across the table at her and kept his voice low just in case it was one of those rare mornings when Ashildr would have woken up and come down stairs early.

"I need you to tell me about Isshy."

His daughter frowned.

"But you don't like her. You and Mummy don't believe in her."

"I do now," the Doctor promised her, "Because you just said a few things that suggest to me she is _very_ real. Can you tell me about her?"

Katie pushed her cereal aside, drank some milk and set the glass down.

"She can't talk properly, not with her _voice_. Her voice isn't ready yet. She said she has to be older before she can speak."

The Doctor's thoughts were racing with questions and possibilities.

"Okay, maybe it's her species... You know I have a Tardis, you know Daddy's a traveller...we explained all of that to you, so you should understand what I'm trying to ask you: Is Isshy human?"

"Sort of," she replied, "But she speaks mainly with her mind. Then she talks just like I do. She's really clever, too. She showed me a star map that she drew, and two planets, she lives on one but sometimes goes to stay on the other."

"Could you draw me her star map?" he asked hopefully.

She gave him a look that reminded him of Ashildr.

"How can I do that?" she exclaimed, "I'm seven!"

"How old is Isshy?"

"Seven too, but _really_ clever."

"How does she visit you?" he asked.

"She said there's a tie of light that she can go through with her mind. Her mind does it all. I can see her but she's not really here, like a ghost. But she's not a ghost. She said she came to live in this house with her family, they chose twenty years ago, they stayed for a year and then left again. And her names isn't really Isshy, that's just what her parents call her."

"What's her real name?" he said.

"Ishkara."

The Doctor started to smile.

"That's definitely alien. Its meaning is little desert flower... and she's using the energy field to project her image, she's reaching you by telepathy! And if you they chose twenty years ago to visit this house, that says time time travel is involved...Thanks, Katie. This makes _so_ much sense to me!"

Katie looked at the clock.

"Daddy, I'll be late for school."

He got up from the table.

"No you won't, we'll take the bus," he said to her, "Come on, let's go."

Then he led his daughter out of the house and across the street to the bus stop, impatient to get the school run out of the way so that he could go home and search for some clues, because there was _so_ much more to his theory now...

* * *

When he returned forty minutes later, Ashildr was up and dressed and had just finished breakfast.

" _Isshy's real!"_ he said as he walked into the kitchen and joined her at the table.

Ashildr looked at him curiously.

"You've started believing in her _imaginary_ friend?"

"She's not imaginary. Her name is Ishkara, it means little desert flower. That name originates from a planet where the plant extract is turned into a highly potent aphrodisiac – the same one my future self uses on the burner in his bedroom. And Kate told me Ishkara can draw star maps. She also said she speaks with her mind because her voice isn't ready to develop properly yet. You know what I'm thinking? I think Clara has a child by Del. Half Ood, half human – capable of telepathic contact. _Our kids are growing up together_."

Ashildr looked at him doubtfully.

"You're sure about this?"

"Of course I am! It all makes perfect sense!"

"That would explain why the energy spikes stopped," she said to him, "Maybe the other Doctor realised too much information was coming through - personal stuff - so he turned it down, and then Ishkara started taking to Katie instead."

"Possibly...but I did notice a spike in the night...then it was gone again. When I first came to this house, before you came home,I found a note inside a clock that said _Seven Years_. It was writing on psychic paper, the impression burned in long enough until I could read it, and then it vanished. That was a clue. Those seven years are up now. I think it means Clara is free to come back and he's going to bring her back, so they can tell us everything."

Ashildr nodded.

"Makes sense," she said, but she kept her worries to herself, as she thought of the Doctor and Clara, reunited once again...and it terrified her to think what that could mean for their relationship, and for Katie...

She hoped it would be unthinkable that the Doctor would change his mind, after all these years...But it didn't stop her worrying that he might, because no matter what had gone on in his life or Clara's since, he had loved that woman so _very_ deeply...

* * *

Much later, when Katie came home from school, Ashildr had cooked the dinner, they had ate together and then she had looked at him with tired eyes and said she was going for a lie down, which was nothing unusual.

"Don't ask her too many questions!" was the last thing she had said in a lowered voice as she left the front room, and then she went upstairs to rest.

Katie was on the sofa doing homework.

The Doctor sat beside her.

"Tell me more about Ishkara."

Katie set her homework aside and looked at her father.

"She's just my friend."

"I know that, and she sounds like a nice friend. But I need to know more about her, sweetheart. Just a few more questions?"

"What do you want to know?" his daughter asked.

He wanted to know far more than Katie could understand, so he chose his questions carefully.

"Do you know the names of her parents?"

"Mum and Dad," she replied, and the Doctor looked at her fondly and smiled.

"Well yes, I guess she _would_ say that, but what are their real names?"

"Ishkara told me by voice, one Ma, two Da. By thought she said to me, _I have two fathers and one mother._ But I don't get the rest."

"Tell me, I bet I'll get it," the Doctor replied.

Katie paused for a moment, thinking about it.

"She said...I think it was, she's a _triple DNA_ child. She said two fathers, one mother, make one baby."

The Doctor's eyes lit up in surprise.

"She said that you?"

Katie nodded.

"That's amazing!" he exclaimed, "Two biological fathers...one mother...that makes her half human, one quarter Time Lord and one quarter Ood...a brand new species! They must have used specialist DNA separation..."

Katie didn't quite get what her father was talking about.

"Ishkara said she was just made from love."

The Doctor smiled as he thought of his daughter's alien friend, who was actually a sister she was yet to meet away from the telepathic link...

"I'm sure she was," he said softly, "And Ishkara is a very special little girl. Next time you see her, you tell her from me, say I think she is amazing, and so are her parents. Will you do that for me?"

Katie smiled and nodded.

"I will, Daddy," she promised, and then she turned her attention back to her homework, and the Doctor left the room, went upstairs and into the bedroom where Ashildr was sleeping, he watched her for a moment, resisting the urge to kiss her cheek in case it broke her much needed rest, and then he went back into the Tardis, because he had a plan...

* * *

As he watched the monitor on the console, there were no changes to the energy field.

"I'm waiting," he said patiently, "Come on, I know everything now..."

And he turned a dial, tuned another, tried for a communication link, but nothing happened.

"It's been seven years," he said in a low voice, "And I get it all. Come on, _speak_ to me!"

Then the screen rolled with lines, static snow appeared, and then as the energy field finally dropped forever, the monitor cleared, and the Doctor smiled warmly as he looked into that screen and saw his future self in a silver Tardis, that future self wore a black shirt with gold swirls on it and a beige suit, and over that suit a heavy dark winter coat.

"At last," the Doctor said warmly, "I've been waiting for this. And this time, seeing the face of Jackson Lake, I _know_ you're _definitely_ the Doctor!"

And the other Doctor smiled.

"I chose this face to remind me the name doesn't matter as much as the deed, courage is everything," he replied.

"So I guessed that right," the Doctor replied, and then he looked intently at him.

"Where's Clara?"

"With our daughter, in her room. I just came in here to open up the link to tell you the time is up - Clara can come back now and visit and...well, she feels she needs to explain about what happened."

"I know, the energy field's been streaming your memories to me," he replied, and the Future Doctor gave a sigh.

"I was hoping that wouldn't happen, that's why I kept adjusting the power flow."

"Hence the energy spikes." the Doctor guessed.

His future self looked into the monitor, and sadness reflected in his eyes.

"I never meant to steal her, Doctor. But we fell in love. And we both wanted to apologise to you for that."

"Oh, there's no need - I understood,I got the messages. And you didn't steal her."

Then he paused.

"So your daughter's using her Ood telepathy to befriend our daughter?"

"Yes, his future self replied, "That was Clara's idea. She has brilliant ideas!"

The Doctor laughed.

"Oh, I know that only too well! Including what the three of you get up to! Not exactly my kind of thing at all... I'm afraid I've seen probably more than I _should_ have seen regarding your private life! How is Del these days?"

Sadness shaded the eyes of the other Doctor.

"He passed away two weeks ago on his home planet. He went back there to die. His life span always would have been short due to his heart condition but he made it shorter...he could never stop trying to change himself. He kept looking in the mirror and deciding on parts to alter... He never would have looked like me. I tried telling him that,but I couldn't stop him. About a month ago he started getting chest pains, weakness, couldn't get up...it was so sudden. _It was too soon_."

Tears reflected in his eyes, and that grief was the kind that ran so deep it cut to the bone.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor replied, "I'm sorry for the loss you've all suffered."

The other Doctor paused, drew in a deep breath and his eyes still shone with tears as he spoke again.

"We're coming to see you soon," he told him, "I know there's nothing to forgive you've made that clear – but Clara, she can't just accept that, she needs to _see_ you to know that. Tomorrow?"

"Okay," the Doctor replied, "See you tomorrow, then."

Then the communication ended.

 _The Doctor walked away from the console feeling strangely sad:_

 _He had wanted this to happen for so long, and now it had, because of the feedback of all those memories, instead of feeling joy at seeing Clara again, all he felt was deep sadness at the news of Del's death..._

* * *

The Doctor felt more than a little guilty for waking Ashildr, but as she turned on her side and opened her eyes and smiled, he smiled back at her.

"I had to wake you. The energy field dropped. It's gone. And the communication channel opened up. I saw him, the Doctor with the face of Jackson Lake! He said I was right about everything - the messages, they were an apology from Clara and from him, because they fell in love. Isshy is their daughter. She's a three way DNA splice - Half human, part Ood, part Time Lord. And they're coming to see us tomorrow! It's finally safe for Clara to return and she wants to say sorry...she's got nothing to be sorry for, no one has to apologise for anything. Look how it's worked out for us!"

Doubt flickered in Ashildr's eyes.

"I'm sure Clara is still adventurous," she said, "And not at all like me."

The Doctor sat closer to her and took hold of her hand and kissed it.

"Okay, so the accident changed you. On the rare occasion you are up in time, you know the way to take Katie to school. You cook the dinner without burning it mostly, and I don't mind helping when you do. I love your forgetfulness because it's a part of you and your need to sleep, too. I even don't mind coming to pick you up in town when you've gone too far and can't remember how to get back, when you have one of those blank moments. I love everything about you because I love _you_ , Ashildr. And Clara's need for adventure and her lack of fear in the face of danger lead to that chrono lock on her neck and to be honest, I think this time around, she's with a man who is more suited to her!"

"In what way?" Ashildr still sounded tired as she sat up, and he reached out and ran his hand over her hair, pushing it off her face as he caught sight of an old and fading scar on her hairline that reminded him of the accident and why he loved her so deeply.

"I know Clara too well," he told her, "She was enjoying the danger too much when she was with me, but we were flying about the universe looking for trouble, she got off on the risk factor. Now she can get off on a safe risk for the rest of her life - her Doctor is a bi sexual man with his own idea of adventure - mainly in the bedroom, and usually with a third party, preferably alien. He said she's happy. And they have a child together. _Now_ I know why I saw the lock on the bedroom door! It was to stop Issy walking in on them! She's got a happy life with him, she's going to be fine."

Then he paused as sadness shaded his eyes.

"Except for one thing - he said Del died two weeks ago. He looked absolutely lost. I've already seen that in the feedback. I know how he's feeling. He feels like he wants to die, and that's not good for a Time Lord. She's grieving too. And I can only imagine how that poor little girl must be feeling, one of her Daddies have died. But there's nothing we can do about it."

Ashildr sat up and reached for the Doctor, and he welcomed the warmth of her embrace as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"I feel what they feel because of the link," he said to her, "Even though it's broken now, I can't forget what I saw. They really did love one another. They both feel so lost without him. I think they always will."

Then he let go of Ashildr and managed a smile.

"But at least we get to see them tomorrow," he added, "I'm sure we can bring them some comfort."

Suddenly the thought of the Doctor being reunited with Clara didn't feel like such a great threat to Ashildr, not under these circumstances.

"Yes," she agreed, "I'm sure we can."

"Thanks for being so understanding about Clara," the Doctor said, and he hugged her again, and Ashildr held on to him, trying _not_ to think about the fact that he was trembling now, and sounded a little too emotional...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"What time are they arriving?" Ashildr asked.

Katie was at school. It had just gone ten in the morning and the Doctor had not stopped checking the time since he got back.

"He didn't say, just _tomorrow_."

"You look nervous. Is it because of Clara?"

As she asked that question, she sat beside him on the sofa and took hold of his hand.

"Tell me the truth, it won't break me."

He gave a weary sigh.

"It's because of _everything_! I've seen through his eyes, I've seen too much and felt too much – I don't feel detached from this at all. I wish I did, but I'm not."

"You can do this," she promised him, "I know you can. You coped with me after the accident, even when you thought I'd killed Clara, you still forgave me -"

"I have nothing to forgive them for!" he insisted as he let go of her hand, "You and me worked out just fine. I'm glad she's happy with the other Doctor. Most of all I'm glad I know the truth – that you _did_ save us both. And there was no other way you could have done it, Ashildr. Clara was always going to be lost to me, but at least this way she gets a future with the Doctor. Not me, but a man I one day become in a future life."

And then the sound of an arriving Tardis cut through the air, and he jumped up from the sofa and went over to the window, pulling the curtain aside to see a police box materialise on the patio at the back of the house.

The Doctor stood there for a moment, his nerves in a tangle as he thought of how long it had been since he last saw Clara, and how much had changed for them both...

"We should go and meet them?" Ashildr suggested.

"Yes we should," the Doctor said quietly, and he opened up the patio door and stepped outside.

* * *

Ashildr stood beside him as they waited by the other Tardis, and then the door opened, and out stepped a man who looked like Jackson Lake. He smiled as he looked at the Doctor, but the first thing he noticed as he met his future self was that his eyes were shadowed by grief.

"Good to meet you at last."

"Likewise," the Doctor replied.

Then the door opened wider and a little girl ran out in a long, floaty floral dress. Her face was almost human, her eyes had a hint of Ood about them, and her hair was the same shade as Clara's.

" _Oooh!"_ she said, _"You other Doctor!"_

The Doctor leant down and smiled warmly.

"Yes,I am," he said, "And when Katie comes home from school, you can meet her properly, you can play with her."

"Katie my friend!" she said, "Katie!"

"Yes, your...friend," the Doctor said, speaking slowly and carefully.

The other Doctor shot him a look.

" _Don't_ talk to her like she doesn't understand, please. It's only her vocal chords. She's part Ood, part me and Clara too - her voice won't mature until she's around ten. She's a bright kid."

"My mistake," the Doctor said, and then he looked into Ishkara's eyes.

"How are you Ishkara?" he said telepathically.

"It's nice to meet you, Doctor," she replied with her mind, now speaking fluently, "But I am sad, very sad. One of my fathers died."

"Yes I know, it is sad," he said aloud, and she replied in her half-developed voice.

"My Da, he die. We all cry."

"Of course," the Doctor said kindly.

"Ishkara, you _could_ have waited for me!"

The Doctor stood up, his hearts missing a beat on both sides as Clara stepped out of the Tardis.

 _She hadn't changed._

He blinked away tears as he looked at her.

"Stop running off without me!" she said to her daughter, and then as her husband took the child's hand and led her into the the house, Clara met the Doctor's gaze, saw tears in his eyes and her own glazed over with emotion.

"I've missed you," she told him, and this time, he didn't need to brace himself to be hugged, because he wanted her to hold him.

She hugged him tightly and for a brief moment he rested his head on her shoulder, and then he stepped back and managed a smile. She was standing before him in a white sweater and a dark skirt, thick tights and boots and a heavy winter coat, much like the one her husband wore.

"We just came back from Del's funeral," she said, "It wasn't easy for either of us. And I know you might find this hard to understand, but the day the Doctor asked me to join with them in marriage, I had no doubt or hesitation. I knew this was the life I wanted. And I've been so happy! Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," he promised her, "I'm happy too - with Ashildr."

"And your little girl," Clara added, "My husband has been making some trips back to check on you all – not with me because I couldn't travel at the time - but he needed to know it was all okay here, so he's been letting me know everything. I'm so happy for you! You're a father, that's great!"

He smiled.

"It is," he agreed, "I'm so happy too!"

Then they turned back towards the house and began to head inside.

"Ashildr doesn't want the Mire chip back," he said to her, "I wish she would, because she now only has one lifetime- but since Katie was born she's too afraid the chip might repair what little memories she has left and make her remember the death of her children in Medieval times. She said she'd rather not risk that She doesn't want to live with remembering grief."

"And that's her right," Clara reminded him.

"Yes, I suppose it is," he said sadly, and then they went back inside.

* * *

Once they were gathered in the front room, Clara went over to the chair by the fire, but he gestured to the sofa.

"It's more comfortable over here."

She laughed.

"I'm fine where I am, thanks," she said, and she sat down.

 _The Doctor looked to the picture on the wall that she had not noticed because she had her back to it, and guessed it was too late to try and get her to notice it now..._

"Would you like some tea?" Ashildr asked.

"Yes please," Clara's husband said.

"Coffee for me," the Doctor added, and then he changed his mind.

"Actually, could you take Ishkara up to Katie's play room? She can play there for a while, she knows the place well enough now she can see it in reality."

"Okay," she replied, and she led Ishkara from the room.

"If anyone wants tea you know where the kitchen is...my wife's memory is appalling, she''ll forget why she went in there and we'll be waiting hours," he said.

Clara looked at him.

"I thought she was okay now?"

"She is okay...more or less. Forgetful, sleeps a lot, but she's doing okay."

And their eyes locked for a moment as they both thought on so many memories of their travels together, and then the other Doctor spoke up.

"You'll have to forgive my silence," he said, "It's not been easy since Del's death. We all took it hard but it's me who took it worst. I just can't stop crying, I'm sorry."

And he paused to wipe away tears, "It might seem hard for you to understand, but we loved each other so much – all three of us. We had such an amazing bond. I'll never find another like him again."

"I saw it through the memory feed," the Doctor told him, but his other self was looking down at the table as he tried to take control and hold back from weeping again, so instead, the Doctor looked to Clara, and suddenly he couldn't stop looking at her...

" _The Ood said his song would last forever,"_ he reminded her.

And there it was, that dangerous gleam in Clara's eyes that he had grown to love...

"Almost like it would be _eternal_?" she asked softly.

And she caught that look in his eyes, and he saw the spark of hope in hers.

Yes, at that moment, they were _still_ a team...

He looked to the other Doctor.

"Did you ever consider going back for him, before he died, maybe you could have locked him into a stasis chamber, perhaps one day there could have been a cure -"

"I can't go back. I've already been there," the other Doctor said, "I can't take my Tardis back to a place were I've already been and stayed, I'd be going back on my own timeline...because I wanted to be with him to the end. There was no cure for his condition, his body was wrecked on the inside. All the surgeries he had on top of the ones he actually needed, it was all cosmetic work...he never let go of that stupid dream of his to look like a Time Lord!"

And then he started weeping again, and as Ashildr entered the room, she went to the other Doctor and sat beside him, putting her arm around him as worry clouded her eyes.

The Doctor glanced to Clara, and they both got up and headed for the door.

"A word," the Doctor said, and Ashildr got up too and joined them outside.

"What's this about?" she asked.

"I want you to stay with him because he can't go where we're going," he told her, "I just want to ask you one more time, Ashildr - do you want it back, because I think I know someone _else_ who might be in need of it?"

She stared at him and then she stared to smile.

"Go and do it!" she said, and then she reached up, gave him a hug and a kiss that he welcomed - which surprised Clara, and then the Doctor turned for the stairs and hurried up.

"Don't worry about your husband," Ashildr said to Clara, "I'll take care of him,"

"Thanks," she replied, and then she hurried to catch up with the Doctor as he headed for the room where the Tardis was kept.

* * *

As Clara stepped into the Tardis, the door closed behind her and she looked around and then to the Doctor, who was already at the console.

"It's so good to be back!" she said warmly

"I need you over here," he said to her, "I need to get these coordinates right - we need to arrive after your husband's Tardis left, not after the funeral...He can't go back there, but I can... Where did you go after Del died?"

"Back to Earth for a while. We never stay long, what with Isshy being part alien. I hate keeping her out of sight."

"Well it's not too long until the world becomes more accepting," he told her, "Give it time."

And as Clara reached for the panel to set the flight, she looked at him and smiled.

"You know, if you _wanted to_...with _me_ , right here and now, my husband would be fine about it."

The Doctor stared at her.

" _What?"_

"We had a strict agreement the marriage was for the three of us – but any other version of the Doctor is permitted to enjoy my company if he wants to, because they are _all_ the Doctor. And I agree with that."

The Doctor shook his head, his face flushed and he struggled, but finally managed to meet her gaze again.

" _I would like nothing more than to spread you wide and bury myself deep inside you right here, right now,"_ he said honestly.

Clara's jaw briefly dropped.

"I wish you'd spoken to me like that before!"

As he looked at her, fondness shone in his eyes.

"But I can't. I really wanted you to sit on the sofa back at the house, because if you had you would have seen what was on the wall and as you know me so well you would have understood."

She looked at him in confusion.

"Understood what?"

"You missed it," he told her.

She blinked.

"Missed what? I don't get it."

"The photograph," the Doctor told her, "Me and Ashildr on our wedding day. I married her when Katie was three years old and in this lifetime, marriage means to me, one man, one woman, and she only has one lifetime now and I have _no_ intention of cheating on her, no matter how much you mean to me. I'm sorry."

Clara looked at him for a moment, and then she smiled.

"Don't be sorry," she said, "Really, there's no need. I would expect nothing less from you. And she's really, _really_ lucky to have you. And I'm lucky too, because we're going back to save the life of my other husband...Where's the chip?"

He hit a button on the console and it slid open, and inside she saw the Mire chip in a sealed case.

"Just one question," she said, "Is it safe? I mean, is it safe to turn an Ood into an immortal?"

Amusement danced in the Doctor's eyes.

"Safe?" he exclaimed, "Of course it is! He's never going to be a threat to anyone! _When all of time comes to an end and only the immortals are left, what's he going to do? Turn up and offer everyone refreshments_?"

And Clara laughed. Suddenly all trace of grief was gone from her eyes and now hope shone there instead - hope along with that spark of danger that had always spurred him on into one adventure after another with her.

 _And it felt good to see that look back in her eyes._

"Are you sure you don't want to be with me?" she asked as she finished setting the flight plan.

"You're rather good with working a Tardis these days!" he exclaimed.

Clara looked at him knowingly.

"My husbands both taught me a great deal. And _don't_ change the subject. Are you sure, because he asked me to ask you."

The Doctor stared at her.

"My future self asked you to have _sex_ with me?"

"No, he asked me to see if you would _like_ to, because he remembers being you and knows you are the start of his love story with me. He wouldn't hold it against you, not just the once..."

And the Doctor felt tempted. His cock was solid and aching and this was the moment he had always hoped for - the day when all the barriers came down and they could finally be together. But then he glanced at the wedding ring he wore that had Ashildr's name engraved inside it.

The Doctor looked fondly to Clara.

"It's up to you. No one else would ever have to know,"she said softly.

He smiled and stepped closer, looked into her eyes and then he paused to brush a dark lock of hair off her face, then he leant closer and kissed her cheek.

"I know your life has changed and the way you see things, too. And that's fine. But I have my values too. I'm sorry Clara, the answer has to be no."

He saw no disappointment in her eyes as she smiled back at him.

"Okay," she replied, "So it's just you and me off on one more adventure, then."

"That's right," he replied.

"The best one of all," she said to him, "Because this is the day we save Del."

He placed his hand on a lever, and she placed hers on it too as their eyes met and he saw that spark of excitement reflected in her gaze, it was a look that only Clara could give in such a way that he felt that excitement, too. And seeing that look and remembering so much, he decided she did deserve at least one confession:

"By the way," he said, "Don't make a thing of this because its _not_ a thing, but I just want you to know when this is over I'm going to think about that offer you made me. I'm going to think about it in every exact detail... _And as soon as I can get five minutes alone, I'm off to the bathroom to lock the door behind me and jack off._ "

Clara's eyes widened in surprise.

"And that's _all_ you need to know!" he added, and laughed as his face flushed, "Now, let's go, Clara Oswald...One last trip together."

Their eyes met again and she smiled.

"Let's go and save Del!" she said excitedly, and they pulled the lever together, and the Tardis took flight.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

As the Tardis landed, the Doctor looked at Clara and saw apprehension in her eyes.

"Don't worry," he said to her, "I know how much he means to you. And him too, the other Doctor - I've seen through his eyes. Nothing will go wrong."

And for just a moment, he thought he saw a trace of fear in the eyes of the usually bold and fearless Clara.

"I hope you're right," she said quietly.

"Love is enough to make us all terrified in the end," he replied as they headed for the door, "Even me. It's the fear of loss. We have something wonderful and there's this other side to it - the cold hopelessness of what loss would do to us if that wonderful thing was snatched away."

"I know that feeling too well," she replied.

"Don't despair," he said to her, "Let's get on and fulfil the prophecy..."

As they walked across the rough terrain as the snow fell, Clara looked to the Doctor. His gaze was set on the Ood city over the bridge of stone and he kept his gaze on it as she began to speak.

" _I did miss you."_

"I missed you too," he said

"But Kate is lovely," she reminded him.

He glanced at her and smiled.

"So is Ishkara," he said warmly.

* * *

Then they crossed the bridge,where the Ood began to notice their presence and gather, waiting for their leader. When he arrived, Ood Sigma's eyes shone with a greeting that would have been a kindly smile if not for the tentacles that obscured his mouth.

"I am aware that Ood Del has died," the Doctor said to him, "I am another Doctor, and I bring this," he showed him the chip in the sealed container, "I am here to bring about the prophecy that his song shall never end."

The Ood turned towards buildings nearby and led the way, and as he walked along, the Doctor and Clara walked with him.

"You told the other Doctor about the prophecy," the Doctor said.

"Yes indeed," the Ood replied, "But he was too distraught by grief to fully understand the meaning of the words."

"Good thing I understood for him, then," he replied, and then they entered a building, the door set into stone slid back and they were led inside, down a tunnel towards a room where soft singing echoed outwards.

"They are singing his song until he is revived," said the leader.

The Doctor smiled.

"You always knew I'd come here."

"Of course Doctor, you are a part of his prophecy."

And another door opened, and the leader signalled the others out as the singing stopped, they left quietly, and then he gestured to the Doctor and Clara to go inside.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" the Doctor said to Clara as he noticed the look in her eyes, "Right now he's _dead_. He died in your arms a few short hours ago before you left in the Tardis with the other Doctor. You can wait outside if you want to."

"No," she told him, "I want to be there when he wakes."

"You're sure?"

Clara nodded.

The Doctor went inside,and she followed him in.

* * *

The Ood Leader stood back by the open doorway, but at a distance, giving them space as the Doctor and Clara stood either side of the silken cover that Del had been laid out on.

The dim lighting above shone down on his face, and the Doctor paused to look at him in fascination:

He really did look half human and not a single scar showed on his face from his long list of cosmetic procedures.

Clara ran her hand down the lapel of his suit, and then she adjusted a diamond pin fixed to his silk tie.

Pain filled her heart as she paused to touch his cheek.

"He feels so cold, he went cold very quickly," she said quietly.

"And soon that will just be a memory," the Doctor replied as he took the chip from the case, "By the way...you might want to tell him later on that this chip will constantly repair him. So that means his heart will be just fine...although any more work he decides to have done after the Mire chip goes in will be a waste of time - the chip will see any further surgeries as injuries and heal them rapidly, most likely preventing further alteration."

Clara looked at him doubtfully.

"The chip heals the body. I'd be more inclined to say the chip would speed the healing process, leaving him certain of _success_ with every alteration he chooses. Which means you just lied, am I right?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"Of course you are. I was just trying to think of a way to stop him having any more procedures...he doesn't need them."

"I hate all that as much as the Doctor does," she replied, "But Del has the right to do as he pleases and if he wants to do it, no one has the right to try and stop him – not once that chips inside him."

"You're right," the Doctor agreed, "And I do believe those words were spoken out of true love."

He looked at her.

She met his gaze.

"Yes they were, I just want him to be happy."

The Doctor said no more, and placed the chip on the forehead of the heavily modified Ood.

It sunk beneath his skin and vanished, and then they waited...

* * *

The moments that followed were silent and painfully long.

"It didn't take this long with Ashildr," Clara said in a hushed voice as she looked down at the body of her alien husband.

"That's because she had been dead for a very short time...he's been dead several hours, plus it's cold in here, everything is taking a little bit longer. What about you?"

She looked at him.

"What about me?"

"There's no easy way to say it, Clara...I was thinking about your family, the future Doctor is a Time Lord, he will live on...Del will also live on thanks to the chip. Your kid is a mix of both men and the Time Lord part should ensure she as a few regenerations at least. _And you're human_."

He saw no flicker of alarm at his remark, Clara had already thought hard about that matter.

"When I faced the Raven, I thought that was the end," she said to him, "But it wasn't, and I'm still here and I want to live this life and enjoy every moment - and I _do_ enjoy it, I love both my husbands and my child. I am going to love every moment of every day I still have."

"And what about the part where you get old and die?"

She smiled.

"Del was looking into cellular rejuvenation before he fell ill for the last time... he was pretty sure that I could live maybe five hundred, maybe a thousand years if I had the treatment. It's painless and harmless and it's been proven to vastly extend human life in the very distant future."

The Doctor laughed softly.

"I might have known it...he's got you into too!"

"One of the men I love is dedicated to changing his appearance in the extreme and I support his dream," she replied, "Of course I've learned a lot from it, because it's not _just_ his journey. Me and the Doctor will stand by what ever choices he makes, even if we don't want him to do it, we still love him."

And then Del took in a deep, slow breath and opened his eyes.

" _Am I still here?"_ he said in surprise.

Then as he made a move to sit up, Clara sat down at his beside and helped him, as he sat upright she clung to him, tears of joy shining in her eyes.

"The Doctor used Ashildr's chip to bring you back," she said as emotion choked her voice, and for a moment as they embraced, the Doctor looked away, allowing them that moment to share their reunion in private.

Then Del let go of her and his eyes shaded with concern.

"Is it safe?"

Clara laughed and wiped a tear from her face as she looked to the Doctor.

"I'm going to tell him!" she said.

"I knew you would," the Doctor replied, and then Clara looked intently at Del.

"The Mire chip will constantly repair you, _forever._ That also means any more surgeries you choose to have will heal rapidly with no chance of infection. It leave you free to safely modify your features for as long as you want to, with no more risk."

"And I intend to do so!" he exclaimed, getting up from the silken bed with ease, "I have been thinking for a while now...I would like _ears_. Proper, _humanoid_ ears."

Clara started to laugh.

"Come here, Del!" she said, and the two of them embraced again,as the Doctor looked on, and as he saw her joy at the return of her husband, something in his heart that he had feared broken forever instantly mended:  
 _He couldn't ever feel sad when thinking of Clara again, because it was clear she was so very happy - with both her husbands, who loved her as much as she loved them..._

* * *

A short while later, the three of them made their way back to the Tardis.

The Ood leader accompanied them, and so did a crowd of other Ood, singing sweetly to the universe and telling the story of the Ood who would live forever, as the prophecy had foretold.

As they stood by the open door of the Tardis, Ood Sigma grasped Del's hand and looked into his eyes.

"You shall always be part of the Ood, " he promised, "And always welcome to return. Now go, live your unusual life away from the rest and show the universe what an Ood is capable of. We wish you well."

Del smiled and nodded and quietly thanked the leader, and then he followed the Doctor and Clara into the Tardis, the door closed and the ship took off, heading back to Earth.

* * *

On returning, as the Tardis materialised in the garden, the Doctor opened the door and stepped out to a very emotional welcome that he had not expected, it was one that involved _much_ hugging from the other Doctor as he tearfully thanked him,and when he let go it was a relief, because that man hugged _very_ tightly indeed...

"Ashildr told me after you left," said the Doctor who wore the face of Jackson Lake, "She said you were going back to give Del the Mire chip...I can't thank you enough..." And he blinked, gave up on holding back his tears and as they fell, he wiped them away quickly.

Then Clara and Del stepped out of the Tardis, and his eyes lit up with absolute joy.

" _Del!"_ he said,and he ran to him, flung his arms around him and for a moment, Time Lord and Ood just stood there embracing, as Clara looked to the Doctor and they exchanged a smile.

"Thank you," she said to him, "You'll never know how much this means to us."

"I saw enough of your memories to know _exactly_ what it means," he promised her.

Then Ishkara ran out of the house, and she stopped and stared as her Time Lord Father let go of her other father and the two men wiped away tears of joy.

" _Da?"_ she said, staring at him.

Del looked to his daughter and smiled, then he held his arms out to her.

Then the child ran to him and he embraced her as she gave up on her not quite ready vocal chords and spoke telepathically, telling him of her joy, saying it was like a dream come true to have both her fathers with her, to have back her lost daddy...

And the Doctor looked on smiling.

"It's for her too," he said to Clara, "No child should have to cry for their daddy when there's a spare Mire chip in my Tardis that can put the situation right."

As Ashildr joined them, she looked to Clara.

"You should stay for a while," she offered.

Clara glanced to her two husbands, the Doctor was standing beside Del, who was leaning down speaking excitedly to Ishkara.

"Can we?" Clara asked

"Can we what?" the other Doctor said.

"Stay for a while?"

The future Doctor exchanged a glance with Del, and then he left him with Ishkara and walked over to join them.

"I'd love to," he said sincerely, looking to the Doctor and then Ashildr, before casting an apologetic glance to Clara, "But it's tricky because our daughter is part alien. We have to keep her inside a lot when we visit Earth. And after what happened with Del, we just want to head off to some planet with no trouble, just sandy beaches and good weather and have a second honeymoon...But, how about Christmas time? We could come and stay for a few days, the kids could get to know each other properly, it's a perfect time of year to be stuck in the house, it's going to be very snowy this year, by the way. Ishkara loves the snow. She could play in the garden."

Clara looked to the Doctor and Ashildr.

"I like the sound of that."

The Doctor exchanged a glance with his wife and smiled.

"So do we. See you at Christmas, then."

They shook hands, and then Clara paused to hug Ashildr.

"Safe journey," Ashildr said.

"See you soon," Clara promised, and she smiled at the Doctor, and then she led the alien child back into the Tardis, and as the future Doctor reached the door at the same time as Del, he surprised him with a kiss on the cheek, and Del looked at him and laughed, and then they went inside, the doors closed and the Tardis took flight, fading out and then disappearing.

* * *

The Doctor and Ashildr both looked to the empty spot where the other Tardis had stood, and then he took hold of her hand and she turned and looked into his eyes.

"I know what you're going to say," she told him, "And the answer is no - I don't regret giving the chip away. I'm glad to have one lifetime, because this time, it's a happy one. Maybe I was always meant to have one life - _with you_."

And the Doctor smiled as his hearts filled with love, and he leant closer and kissed her.

"I think you're absolutely right, Ashildr," he said softly, and then they went back into the house together and closed the door behind them.

End.


End file.
